Tuesday, October 27, 2009
backsies!!
so i take it back. the last post i made (earlier today, actually) i said that i couldn't remember the last time i was really happy. but yeah, i take that back :)
perspective
let's start with a little story:
yesterday i was walking into the library at school so i could reserve a study room for today, and this random, middle-aged man came up to me and told me to smile. he politely asked me if i was okay, if i had been done with midterms, things like that. this actually isn't the first time that some random person has come up to me and told me to smile.
my question is: is my happiness that transparent? or unhappiness for that matter?
so transparent, in fact, that a complete stranger can see what's going on? i thought about it for a while, and i came to the conclusion that i haven't really been happy in a long time. i mean, noticeably happy. not about small wins here and there like getting a good grade on a test or getting to school or home without any traffic on the way. i mean like, happy about my life, my situation, about what's going on with me. so as i mull over what i've really been feeling lately, the only conclusion that i have come to is this: all i've been feeling lately is tired. too tired to really stop and be happy or at least complacent about the little wins that i DO get from time to time. i mean, i can recognize when something good happens to me or when i get a brush of luck, but instead of being happy about it, i can't help but just feel a little stoic about it and just brush it off as if it were nothing.
being physically and mentally tired at the same time is VERY exhausting. like today. today i woke up at 5:30am to get to my class that starts at 8:20. between those two times, i go through about an hour and a half or so of rush hour traffic, and once i get to school i have to lug around all of my stuff, which today includes my uniform, my knives, my bag, my notebook, my laptop, and an 8-inch stainless steel frying pan. today i have two classes, one from 8:20-9:25, one from 11:30-4:10, and after that i have to work on a group project which i have no idea how long THAT will last, but i know it will feel like forever since one of my group members is seriously one of the most ANNOYING guys i've ever met. i'm not even going to bother talking about the mentally tired part, mainly because it is just wayyyy too much to type out. i know you know what i mean. and i know that today is FAR from being the longest day of the week for me.
so this is basically what it's going to be like for the rest of the semester for me [insert long sigh here].
back to happiness! i've determined that this is something i SERIOUSLY need to improve on. honestly, i can't even really remember the last time i just felt COMPLACENT about my life. at the moment i've just been accepting and taking everything as it is, which is probably not that good for me. right now i just feel like i need to get everything over with and out of the way.
prescription? probably a little perspective :l
p.s.: don't get me wrong, i know life can be a WHOLE lot worse than it is now. i'm not whining! i just wanted to put how i feel out there on the table.
p.p.s.: i'm using the school's wifi for the first time right now!! and yeah, it's suuper slow.
yesterday i was walking into the library at school so i could reserve a study room for today, and this random, middle-aged man came up to me and told me to smile. he politely asked me if i was okay, if i had been done with midterms, things like that. this actually isn't the first time that some random person has come up to me and told me to smile.
my question is: is my happiness that transparent? or unhappiness for that matter?
so transparent, in fact, that a complete stranger can see what's going on? i thought about it for a while, and i came to the conclusion that i haven't really been happy in a long time. i mean, noticeably happy. not about small wins here and there like getting a good grade on a test or getting to school or home without any traffic on the way. i mean like, happy about my life, my situation, about what's going on with me. so as i mull over what i've really been feeling lately, the only conclusion that i have come to is this: all i've been feeling lately is tired. too tired to really stop and be happy or at least complacent about the little wins that i DO get from time to time. i mean, i can recognize when something good happens to me or when i get a brush of luck, but instead of being happy about it, i can't help but just feel a little stoic about it and just brush it off as if it were nothing.
being physically and mentally tired at the same time is VERY exhausting. like today. today i woke up at 5:30am to get to my class that starts at 8:20. between those two times, i go through about an hour and a half or so of rush hour traffic, and once i get to school i have to lug around all of my stuff, which today includes my uniform, my knives, my bag, my notebook, my laptop, and an 8-inch stainless steel frying pan. today i have two classes, one from 8:20-9:25, one from 11:30-4:10, and after that i have to work on a group project which i have no idea how long THAT will last, but i know it will feel like forever since one of my group members is seriously one of the most ANNOYING guys i've ever met. i'm not even going to bother talking about the mentally tired part, mainly because it is just wayyyy too much to type out. i know you know what i mean. and i know that today is FAR from being the longest day of the week for me.
so this is basically what it's going to be like for the rest of the semester for me [insert long sigh here].
back to happiness! i've determined that this is something i SERIOUSLY need to improve on. honestly, i can't even really remember the last time i just felt COMPLACENT about my life. at the moment i've just been accepting and taking everything as it is, which is probably not that good for me. right now i just feel like i need to get everything over with and out of the way.
prescription? probably a little perspective :l
p.s.: don't get me wrong, i know life can be a WHOLE lot worse than it is now. i'm not whining! i just wanted to put how i feel out there on the table.
p.p.s.: i'm using the school's wifi for the first time right now!! and yeah, it's suuper slow.
Sunday, October 18, 2009
the best laid plans of mice and men...
you know when you're about to see some crazy shit go down, but you don't really do anything about it, you just kinda stand there and watch? i knew i knew i knew that midterms were coming up, and yet here i am, cramming for 4 midterms all in one weekend. okay, so it's not really "crazy shit" but you know what i mean. speaking of crazy shit, though, the other day i passed by a car accident on the freeway and one of the people involved was walking to the other car, and i noticed she looked a lot like one of my classmates. lo and behold, she was missing from class that day! weird, huh? here's hoping she's okay.
who knows though? things never really come out the way you expect them too, and for some reason this is really true for me. one thing i have learned from this is that sometimes it works out for the best. let's say, for example, that there was a guy you were into, but you soon find out he doesn't exactly feel the same way about you. this is a good thing! because as it turns out, he's the kind of guy into drugs and alcohol and gambling and covering his body in tattoos. oh, and it turns out he's really into cheating on his girlfriend (who you DIDN'T know existed haha). but you see how it's a good thing nothing happened betweenus you two! it also teaches you some very valuable lessons, like not to trust a guy just cuz he's cute (actually, you should be even MORE wary of him because he is cute!).
what you really need to do is stop expecting every little thing to turn out the way you want it to, because that's just not gonna happen. for some reason i keep forgetting this, and it always seems to bite me in the ass... the other day i was cooking in class, and the recipe i was given seemed super easy. yay! i finished before the rest of the class. yay yay!! i put it on the presentation table and OH SHIT. sudden realization: it looks really ugly. i mean like, i've never seen a pasta salad look so ugly in my life, i should be ashamed of what i put on the table, god i hope no one notices the platter that has colors reminiscent of the Joker kinda ugly. it turns out it tasted pretty bland too (according to the chef -___-). clearly in this situation i just needed an ego check, because i assumed that anything i put out there would be orgasmically awesome (which it really wasn't).
but yeah. you get the point. no need for more examples of howmy life has kinda screwed up the past couple of weeks life can be full of the unexpected! cuz you probably know a lot about that too. just know that there's always some kind of silver lining behind everything, even if it's just a life lesson that you should have learned a looong time ago.
who knows though? things never really come out the way you expect them too, and for some reason this is really true for me. one thing i have learned from this is that sometimes it works out for the best. let's say, for example, that there was a guy you were into, but you soon find out he doesn't exactly feel the same way about you. this is a good thing! because as it turns out, he's the kind of guy into drugs and alcohol and gambling and covering his body in tattoos. oh, and it turns out he's really into cheating on his girlfriend (who you DIDN'T know existed haha). but you see how it's a good thing nothing happened between
what you really need to do is stop expecting every little thing to turn out the way you want it to, because that's just not gonna happen. for some reason i keep forgetting this, and it always seems to bite me in the ass... the other day i was cooking in class, and the recipe i was given seemed super easy. yay! i finished before the rest of the class. yay yay!! i put it on the presentation table and OH SHIT. sudden realization: it looks really ugly. i mean like, i've never seen a pasta salad look so ugly in my life, i should be ashamed of what i put on the table, god i hope no one notices the platter that has colors reminiscent of the Joker kinda ugly. it turns out it tasted pretty bland too (according to the chef -___-). clearly in this situation i just needed an ego check, because i assumed that anything i put out there would be orgasmically awesome (which it really wasn't).
but yeah. you get the point. no need for more examples of how
Sunday, October 11, 2009
goals, revisited
ahhh bloggie. haven't seen ya in a while, but i guess that's my fault. i've abandoned you, and i am oh so sorry. you see, my time has been pretty much hijacked by school, among other things. and it doesn't help that i'm trudging through that time of the month where pretty much every part of my body hurts, it makes me sad to look in a mirror, and little things have the ability to FUCKING PISS ME OFF (like white lint balls stuck all over my black shirts... FUCKKK).
but anyway, that's not the point of this update. since it is midterms week (kinda), i wanted to go back and revisit the goals i had set for this semester. we're at the halfway point, meaning at this point i should be (at least) half the way to accomplishing my goals. so here goes:
as for other parts of my life, i've had a few surprises (finding out my 21 year old cousin that i -kinda- grew up with is already married and has a 6 month old baby!) and making some new/different decisions (concerning a new interest of the male persuasion ;D). but such is life! and we just gotta do what we do! just remember not to over think things, cuz sometimes you just need to go with the flow <3
but anyway, that's not the point of this update. since it is midterms week (kinda), i wanted to go back and revisit the goals i had set for this semester. we're at the halfway point, meaning at this point i should be (at least) half the way to accomplishing my goals. so here goes:
- make friends: at this point their more like acquaintences that i see once or twice or three times a week. but it's progress!! and at least i'm not just sitting quietly in the back of the room like before...
- get a job: i'm halfway there!!! ahahah internship = unpaid job. so all i needs now is some money, which should be at least a little easier to get to now that i have SOME experience outside of school.
- organize: ahhh hmmmm... i should probably be working on this one a little more :l admittedly, i'm kinda at the same point i was at when i wrote these goals. but i live a busy life, mang! hahha excuses...
- lose weight: okay, okay. i haven't lost any weight so far, but i also didn't GAIN any weight, which is good! haha what i DID gain was muscle in the arms, which is mainly due to making such huge batches of food at the shelter -__- technically that counts as toning, right?!
- make going to a school that is 28 miles away worth the trip: ahhhhhhhaha it's worth it on the good days, which i'm trying to have more of :)
as for other parts of my life, i've had a few surprises (finding out my 21 year old cousin that i -kinda- grew up with is already married and has a 6 month old baby!) and making some new/different decisions (concerning a new interest of the male persuasion ;D). but such is life! and we just gotta do what we do! just remember not to over think things, cuz sometimes you just need to go with the flow <3
Sunday, October 4, 2009
schedule!!!
now that i actually have a schedule to give you guys (yes, i know it's the 6th week in), here goes:
(prepare your mind for a lot of hurtin')
Monday:
work 9am-1pm
class 230pm-645pm
Tuesday:
class 820am-925am,
1130am-1235pm
1pm-410pm
Wednesday:
class 1030am-140pm (this usually ends early tho)
Thursday:
class 820am-925am
work 11am-7pm (-___-)
Friday:
class 9am-330pm (this usually ends early too and there's a 30 min or so break in the middle)
so there you have it... the only days that are subject to change are wednesdays and thursdays; this just depends on if i really REALLY start to hate 8hr shifts on thursday, in which case i shall move a couple of hours to wednesday after class (but that depends...)
enjoy your week! :D
<3
(prepare your mind for a lot of hurtin')
Monday:
work 9am-1pm
class 230pm-645pm
Tuesday:
class 820am-925am,
1130am-1235pm
1pm-410pm
Wednesday:
class 1030am-140pm (this usually ends early tho)
Thursday:
class 820am-925am
work 11am-7pm (-___-)
Friday:
class 9am-330pm (this usually ends early too and there's a 30 min or so break in the middle)
so there you have it... the only days that are subject to change are wednesdays and thursdays; this just depends on if i really REALLY start to hate 8hr shifts on thursday, in which case i shall move a couple of hours to wednesday after class (but that depends...)
enjoy your week! :D
<3
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