i can't take subtle hints. it takes me forever just to figure these things out, and when i think i've got it right i still feel a little hesitant about it.
i rarely ever have dreams, but when i do there is always one thing that they have in common; i can never seem to find what i need. i can't find my shoes. i can't find the key. i can't find my room. i can't find the exit on the gate. something is always missing.
i can't find my way.
sometimes in these dreams i actually have the courage to ask for help. it's to no avail, of course. i still can't seem to get a hold of what's going on around me.
sometimes it's true in real life as well.
i hate having so much time available that i force myself to lay down and think about these things. i look at the ceiling, listen to the ticking clock on the wall, watch the light coming in from the window change positions as cars drive by. i can't seem to think about anything else. the laptop i use makes a whirring noise as i type, and the thoughts in my head seem to make a kind of whirring as well, and no amount of deep breathing will help it slow down.
i can't daydream like i used to.
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geee i know! what's up with not being able to day dream anymore...i used to do it everyday, twice a day...i guess we're just either too occupied or there arent enough dramas to ponder about.
ReplyDeleteanyhow, we should do Lent old style. an idea that we're both gonna do (:
so far on list:
-alcohol
-chocolates
-no meat on fridays*
*we shouldnt even have meet on fridays but I always forget haha
man. i still have no idea of what to give up! if i give up chocolate or alcohol it would feel like cheating for me cuz i don't really have a lot of that stuff to begin with... i'm lacking the motivation to think of anything good...
ReplyDeletemaybe i can just full-on fast on fridays or something... idk :/