11:11

i wish i were happy. sometimes i just stare at the time, waiting for 11:11, just so i can make that one wish. i can't even remember how long i've been making this same wish, but it's always been the same: "i wish i were happy... please." sometimes i'll throw in the "please" if i'm feeling extra shitty. i don't even know who i'm asking this from. is it blasphemous to believe wishing something at a certain time of day can make something come true?

i think about my life; is it so sad that i feel i have to wish for some kind of happiness? no, it's really not bad at all. i have a loving, caring family, with whom i spent an awesome thanksgiving. i don't have a paying job, but i'm getting to know the volunteers and residents at work more and more, and i love it. when i started working there i never realized how much i would enjoy it, and now i feel like i can't just leave this place once the internship is over. i only work about 12 hours a week, but i certainly feel as if it has become a second home for me. i even get to spend a couple days a week with a sweet guy. he really is sweet. school's not even that difficult. by some act of God i've been able to maintain a gpa above 3.5 while barely doing any work or studying. 5 classes and an internship shouldn't be so easy. i may not have a lot of money, but i can certainly maintain some sort of life off of what i do have. i realize life's not as tough as i made it out to be. my life, at least.

so maybe it's not necessary for me to make this wish anymore. maybe now i'm just doing it out of habit, a habit i should probably break.

i love you guys :)