"it's hard to have a good tomorrow if you're always thinking about yesterday."

although i do feel as if i've taken some positive steps toward my future, sometimes it's hard not to look into the past. a lot of times i try to figure out what happened, pinpoint exactly where things went wrong. this tends to always bite me in the ass in some form or another, because eventually i realize that what's done is done, and there's no going back. before i do anything, i need to start asking myself, "is this something i will regret later?"

actually, wasn't that one of my new year's resolutions? not to act on impulse? good lord, i always thought that i was just about as bland as it gets, but apparently i DO do things on impulse, stupid things at that. i hate it when i realize that i've done something stupid waaay beyond the point of no return. i actually tend to plan and think through a lot of things in my life like what i'm going to wear tomorrow or the practicality of buying one thing over another. unfortunately, the things that i tend not to think through are those that are much more important and would really make a big difference in my life had i done something else.

at times it can be difficult for me to differentiate between impulse and spontaneity. i suppose these are the times that i really need to think through, but then, would it still be spontaneous? fuuuck. i need to go to sleep. i'll think about it in the morning.

in the mean time, i'll be here, laying in bed, trying to get over the past and how things should have happened. i guess all i can do for now is just REMEMBER these former mistakes and try not to let it happen again.

p.s. for dinner tonight i made a chicken breast roulade with sage and ham, a white wine sauce with sauteed mushrooms, risotto, and a spinach salad. i really think i need to start saving money and invest in a GOOD camera so i can take pics and show you guys what i make :p