honey panna cotta with mixed berry coulis and a note on mother's day

for those of you who don't know, mother's day is the busiest day of the year in the restaurant industry. yep, even busier than valentine's day! and in an attempt to avoid all the crowds and long waiting periods just for a table at a restaurant, i wanted to cook a nice breakfast for my mom instead. this has been a long-running tradition for a few years now, although it's somewhat of a feat when my mom sets her alarm to 5:30 every morning :/ these are the challenges i encounter in life!

anyway, to make the breakfast a little more memorable (no Denny's specials here!), i wanted to end the meal with something light in texture with a good balance of sweetness, creaminess, and tartness. so, for dessert i decided to make a honey panna cotta topped with a blackberry and strawberry coulis. sooo good :p

i went to Goodwill and browsed around for some cute little glasses to show off the layers of the dessert, and i found these stemless red wine glasses and little dessert glasses for $1 each. pretty good bargain for something i intend to use for future food presentations :)

panna cotta is Italian for "cooked cream." the texture is like a custard, except i think most of the recipes don't use eggs. the honey definitely gave it such a good flavor. it kind of makes me sad to look at these pictures because i wish i had one right now...
all eight of them, looking super glossy and sexy ;) i garnished each one with a strawberry quarter, a couple of blackberries, and a mint leaf from the plant we have growing in the backyard.
and here's the rest of the breakfast table scape i prepared: scrambled eggs with cheese, peppers, and scallions, salsa, cubed watermelon and strawberries (which i originally planned to turn into a nice slushie, but after cutting it i realized it had a LOT of seeds in it -___-), and carnitas i made myself. the carnitas were BOMB. and they weren't that difficult to make, either! i pretty much just put everything in the slow cooker the night before, and the next morning when i woke up i could smell it, and it was awesome. we also had some corn tortillas to make tacos with. aimee was supposed to make maseca pancakes, but she didn't wake up early enough, and she just tends to be grumpy in the morning when you tell her to do stuff :/

after going to church, the fambam and i went over to my cousin's house because they had a little lunch/dinner shindig going on (for which i made potato salad and my sis made rice crispy treats) and we pretty much spent the rest of the afternoon into nighttime over there. i spent some of that time in awe of my cousin's garden in their backyard, and also got to watch their rabbit just sit there and do nothing particularly cute... my rabbit can beat up that rabbit, good! >:D

speaking of gardens, mine is a work in progress! since we can't technically plant anything in the ground, i'm planning on having a small raised garden bed, and i already bought some plants from my school's horticulture sale last week (woot for $1 plants!). so far i have a cherry tomato plant, heirloom tomato plant, a strawberry plant, thyme, basil, parsley, sage, and mint. hopefully they'll all still be alive once the actual garden is built!

some big news + actual pictures of food :)

so here goes: my family and i are moving! yay? eh. i don't really have too much of a problem with moving right now as much as i did when my family proposed moving back when i was in high school. mainly because we're not really planning on moving far (my parents were looking at brea and pomona and buena park) and i can actually drive now, so coming back to walnut wouldn't be that hard. mostly all this stuff is just a hassle with all the realtors and prospective buyers coming by to see the house.

so far we've moved a bunch of our stuff into storage and cleaned up the entire house, which kinda sucks because now i don't really know where anything is anymore... over the next couple of months, we're going to have people just coming in to look at the house on random days. that means during the time that someone could come, i can't cook, i can't nap, i can't work out or shower, basically i can't do anything that will let me relax. these times were all designated during my prime relaxation time! (8-3 during weekdays?! wtf?!) sighh. while people were coming in today, though, i was able to make a little something with all the fruits we bought at Costco yesterday ($5 for 12oz of raspberries? BOMBTASTIC).


"healthy" mini fruit tartlets. i've determined that they're healthy because not only are they covered in fruit, but instead of going all out and making a pastry cream filling from eggs and cream, i just used some vanilla yogurt as filling (fine... you caught me. i was really just too lazy to make the pastry cream. but i have my reasons!).

things i need to work on: presentation. i need to figure out how to arrange these fruits a little nicer because i didn't realize how small the actual tart was (it was actually so small that i couldn't fit a single, regular-sized strawberry on it). also, i think technically the actual filling isn't supposed to show.

and the tart dough. pfft. i need to stop following food blogs just because they look pretty. i got the recipe for the tart dough i used here from another blog, and the taste was just really disappointing (to me, at least. my family kinda just scarfed it down, so i guess they don't really care). the dough was too gummy to work with properly, and also, it actually rose in the oven! tart dough shouldn't do that!

all in all, they tasted okay. this whole thing was mostly just to practice my fruit arrangements and because i was bored. i wish i would have had some glaze or powdered sugar to put on top. i guess the health/convenience factor with the yogurt was good too, and it was nice just to have a mini dessert bite instead of a huge slice of cake. hopefully there will be more food pictures to come in the future! happy pi day :D

"it's hard to have a good tomorrow if you're always thinking about yesterday."

although i do feel as if i've taken some positive steps toward my future, sometimes it's hard not to look into the past. a lot of times i try to figure out what happened, pinpoint exactly where things went wrong. this tends to always bite me in the ass in some form or another, because eventually i realize that what's done is done, and there's no going back. before i do anything, i need to start asking myself, "is this something i will regret later?"

actually, wasn't that one of my new year's resolutions? not to act on impulse? good lord, i always thought that i was just about as bland as it gets, but apparently i DO do things on impulse, stupid things at that. i hate it when i realize that i've done something stupid waaay beyond the point of no return. i actually tend to plan and think through a lot of things in my life like what i'm going to wear tomorrow or the practicality of buying one thing over another. unfortunately, the things that i tend not to think through are those that are much more important and would really make a big difference in my life had i done something else.

at times it can be difficult for me to differentiate between impulse and spontaneity. i suppose these are the times that i really need to think through, but then, would it still be spontaneous? fuuuck. i need to go to sleep. i'll think about it in the morning.

in the mean time, i'll be here, laying in bed, trying to get over the past and how things should have happened. i guess all i can do for now is just REMEMBER these former mistakes and try not to let it happen again.

p.s. for dinner tonight i made a chicken breast roulade with sage and ham, a white wine sauce with sauteed mushrooms, risotto, and a spinach salad. i really think i need to start saving money and invest in a GOOD camera so i can take pics and show you guys what i make :p

baking rut + feeling a little sick

so after failing to make yeast rolls THREE TIMES* on sunday and having a stranger basically yell at me over the phone for calling about a craigslist ad that asked for cake decorators (even though they didn't say they wanted professional experience), i've felt the need recently to validate myself as a baker. soooo after a trip to costco to buy their 3 lb bag of almonds, and with my brand new food processor, i decided to take things into my own hands.

wednesday: i attempt to make french almond macarons for the first time with the help of my cousin. the taste and texture is there, but the looks are totally wrong. too big, cracks going along the top, and no feet to them. here's what they're supposed to look like if you don't know what they are: http://www.mytartelette.com/2009/08/recipe-coffee-chicory-macarons.html
fancy, right?

thursday: take the leftover ganache filling from the macarons and make espresso truffles coated in crushed almonds. okay, not really baking, but delicious nonetheless (this also was a lot less troublesome because i've made it before hahaha). mmm... truffles.... i also made a huge batch of spaghetti for my sis' bday (again, not baking, but whatever! get off my case, man!).

friday: attempt #2 at macarons; this time, with mint chocolate ganache filling. *drool* also, take the leftover egg yolks from the macarons and make creme brulee with the new ramekins i bought thursday. creme brulee!! coconut creme brulee!!! at the end of the day, the macarons are a flop, again. and actually worse than the first time! *somehow i managed to make them completely hollow :/

saturday: actually get to eat the creme brulee, as we were celebrating my sis' bday with the cousins by eating at BJ's. it would've tasted MUCH better if i didn't feel so sick. a little bit of nausea + headache + stomachaches + large amount of food = probably not a good idea. i've been laying in bed for a while now because getting up just makes me feel gross. but i DID go to Williams Sonoma today and got my new Global Chef's Knife! woot! thank god for that catering job, even if it was only for 3 days, because for those 3 days i was makin' bank!

tomorrow i'm going back to the shelter and on tuesday school starts again, and i'm definitely not looking forward to things like having to come an hour early just to scavenge for parking. sigh. these next 2 weeks are gonna be rough.

*goddamn you, bakery science, for being so difficult!

bittersweet

things are a little weird for me right now. there seems to be some things happening that are bad, but at the same time there are some things going on that are good; it''s so confusing!! what the hell!! is it too much to ask for a little security these days?!

let me just elaborate on this: just as i'm getting more and more comfortable in my relationship with the bf, even to the point where i'd actually tell my parents about him (which i thought would be a LOOONG time from now), he dumps me. and in my attempt to remain friends with him, i volunteered at the shelter today so we could cook together, and guess what? no tension, no awkwardness (to me at least; idk what he himself was thinking). we actually worked pretty damn well when we worked together, which was definitely a big surprise. so it totally sucks that we broke up, but it's totally awesome that we can still be friends and joke around and stuff. i really don't know how to feel about all this! sighhh. life is waaay too unpredictable.

also, THANK GOD for the Rescue Mission. if i had never worked there, i would never have met all these great people, i would never have gotten all this experience in high volume cooking, and i would never have gotten that weekend job last month and made that $500 (which i am planning on spending soon on a new kick-ass chef's knife). all last semester i was kind of moping around about not having an actual job, but the rescue mission is totally awesome, even if i don't get paid. plus if i make a mistake, they're pretty forgiving about it, and none of that money comes out of my pocket! aaaand since i STILL don't have a regular part-time job this semester (YET) i'll be volunteering there every sunday, which i'm really looking forward to :)

life at home is okay too. we're starting to get everything settled with my uncle's death, like closing his bank accounts and stuff. in a few weeks we're planning on going on a boat in Long Beach so we can scatter his ashes at sea, which is what he always wanted.

my school starts again next week, and hopefully things won't be incredibly stressful. i have classes tuesday to friday, but my classes on tuesday, wednesday, and thursday all end around 6pm! sighhh. why do all the classes required for me have to have such shitty hours?? ohh well. beggars can't be choosers. i got all the classes i needed for this semester (for the most part), so i guess i shouldn't complain.

so what's today's obvious-but-realized lesson? life is unpredictable. deal with it, woman! it's what all the cool kids are doing these days :)

done and done!

so i did it. i told my parents and my sister about james, and they seem pretty accepting of it, which is all i could ever ask for. it's pretty awesome actually, to get all of this off of my chest. they actually didn't make as big a deal of it as i thought they would (no one even asked me what his name was except for my mom haha).

i've been contemplating redecorating my side of the room (or the wall at least). right now it's mostly covered in stuff from high school and some drawings of the stuff i've made, and i'm planning on taking a lot of that stuff down and just making a couple of large paintings and putting those up instead. also, i finally get to put up that kick-ass drawing that james gave me for christmas (i've had it stashed away for a while now because he signed his name at the bottom and i was just scared of getting caught!). but now i have nothing to worry about!

there's only 2 weeks of winter break left but it's finally starting to get better and better. awesome. :)

should i...?

i've been wondering lately if i should tell my parents about my boyfriend. i'm certain what we have is a serious relationship, and to be honest, things would be a lot easier on me (if they ALLOW me to be with him, that is). for instance, i always have to lie and tell my parents that i'm going out with my friends when in reality, i'm just going to church with him. so on a day when i'd go to church with him and come home late (it's usually 7:30-10), what my parents are probably thinking is that i'm out "gallavanting" with my friends late at night (as my mom would say).

honestly, i'm kinda getting tired of always having to come up with lame excuses and made-up plans when really, i'm not doing anything too crazy.

i've been trying to think of the pros and cons of this plan, but i'm still not entirely sure what the correct decision would be. any suggestions/comments???

2010

is it just me, or does New Year's always feel like the loneliest day of the year? i swear, it even feels lonelier than Valentine's when you don't have a significant other. i want to be with your guys, i want to be with the bf, and i AT LEAST want to be with the cousins (new year's in las vegas? LAMESAUCE). i pretty much just spent the night munching on unhealthy food, sitting around in some very uncomfortable underwear, waiting for the ball in NY to drop, and basically just being lazy as hell. is that really how i wanted to end 2009?

soooo, in my attempt to make this feel like the start of a new beginning, i shall make some resolutions for 2010.

NUMBAH ONE. get a job. a REGULAR job. while the 3-day thing was fun, it turns out i spend a lot more money than i thought -___-
TWO. practice practice PRACTICE all your shit, woman! i'm already starting to forget some of the stuff i learned in class, which is a big no no because in the culinary world, pretty much ALL of it applies to the real world.
THREE. lose some weight. 2009 was a good start (yay for losing 30 lbs!), but i'm sure as hell not done with all of that. goal: get abs by summertime!!!
FOUR. try to spend as much time as possible with the ones you love, because we learned in 2009 that they're not going to be there forever. frau rovell once told us that putting flowers on someone's grave isn't going to replace the time we lost with that person, and she's so right.
FIVE. learn to control things like impulses. i've learned recently that when i get really impulsive i don't even realize what i'm doing until it's already done. that's a BIG no no, that's how people get hurt, and that's how i end up hurting myself.

so there you have it. 5 goals for 2010; here's to somehow managing not to break them. i hope ya'll have a wonderful and prosperous year. i love you guys :)

incredibly tired

tonight was my first night of actual, PAID work. yay mee!!!! it's not a regular job (it's only for 3 days) but at least it's a start! i was helping cater and serve on a yacht in Newport for their annual Christmas yacht parade. A FREAKIN' YACHT, PEOPLE. the yacht went around the area and blasted the christmas music and we got to see all the amazing christmas lights in the area. even though there were a few mishaps, it was still an awesome experience. sighh... you can probably already tell these people are makin' bank (uhh, champagne vinaigrette for their salads? hell yeah, someone's making money). don't worry, elaine. you'll get there someday! (talking to myself sometimes makes me feel better).

i have 2 more nights of this, and then i will officially be on winter break. thank god, because i am freakin' tired. the work wasn't even strenuous or anything, it's just that i'm still so exhausted from school that adding on a few more hours in the days following may not have been the brightest idea (i came in at 4 today and left at 11 -___-).

in other news, i finally finished my finals!!! woot WOOT!! also, apparently my art teacher liked my drawings enough to ask me if he could put them in the art showcase until next semester, which is totally fine with me because i probably would have just thrown them all in the trash anyway. eughh.

so that's pretty much what's been going on with me in the past couple of days. monday will be my first official day of winter break, so HOPEFULLY i'll be able to see gracie poo and the gang sometime soon, because i LOVES ALLA YA'LL. <3

backsies!!

so i take it back. the last post i made (earlier today, actually) i said that i couldn't remember the last time i was really happy. but yeah, i take that back :)

perspective

let's start with a little story:
yesterday i was walking into the library at school so i could reserve a study room for today, and this random, middle-aged man came up to me and told me to smile. he politely asked me if i was okay, if i had been done with midterms, things like that. this actually isn't the first time that some random person has come up to me and told me to smile.

my question is: is my happiness that transparent? or unhappiness for that matter?

so transparent, in fact, that a complete stranger can see what's going on? i thought about it for a while, and i came to the conclusion that i haven't really been happy in a long time. i mean, noticeably happy. not about small wins here and there like getting a good grade on a test or getting to school or home without any traffic on the way. i mean like, happy about my life, my situation, about what's going on with me. so as i mull over what i've really been feeling lately, the only conclusion that i have come to is this: all i've been feeling lately is tired. too tired to really stop and be happy or at least complacent about the little wins that i DO get from time to time. i mean, i can recognize when something good happens to me or when i get a brush of luck, but instead of being happy about it, i can't help but just feel a little stoic about it and just brush it off as if it were nothing.

being physically and mentally tired at the same time is VERY exhausting. like today. today i woke up at 5:30am to get to my class that starts at 8:20. between those two times, i go through about an hour and a half or so of rush hour traffic, and once i get to school i have to lug around all of my stuff, which today includes my uniform, my knives, my bag, my notebook, my laptop, and an 8-inch stainless steel frying pan. today i have two classes, one from 8:20-9:25, one from 11:30-4:10, and after that i have to work on a group project which i have no idea how long THAT will last, but i know it will feel like forever since one of my group members is seriously one of the most ANNOYING guys i've ever met. i'm not even going to bother talking about the mentally tired part, mainly because it is just wayyyy too much to type out. i know you know what i mean. and i know that today is FAR from being the longest day of the week for me.

so this is basically what it's going to be like for the rest of the semester for me [insert long sigh here].

back to happiness! i've determined that this is something i SERIOUSLY need to improve on. honestly, i can't even really remember the last time i just felt COMPLACENT about my life. at the moment i've just been accepting and taking everything as it is, which is probably not that good for me. right now i just feel like i need to get everything over with and out of the way.

prescription? probably a little perspective :l

p.s.: don't get me wrong, i know life can be a WHOLE lot worse than it is now. i'm not whining! i just wanted to put how i feel out there on the table.

p.p.s.: i'm using the school's wifi for the first time right now!! and yeah, it's suuper slow.

the best laid plans of mice and men...

you know when you're about to see some crazy shit go down, but you don't really do anything about it, you just kinda stand there and watch? i knew i knew i knew that midterms were coming up, and yet here i am, cramming for 4 midterms all in one weekend. okay, so it's not really "crazy shit" but you know what i mean. speaking of crazy shit, though, the other day i passed by a car accident on the freeway and one of the people involved was walking to the other car, and i noticed she looked a lot like one of my classmates. lo and behold, she was missing from class that day! weird, huh? here's hoping she's okay.

who knows though? things never really come out the way you expect them too, and for some reason this is really true for me. one thing i have learned from this is that sometimes it works out for the best. let's say, for example, that there was a guy you were into, but you soon find out he doesn't exactly feel the same way about you. this is a good thing! because as it turns out, he's the kind of guy into drugs and alcohol and gambling and covering his body in tattoos. oh, and it turns out he's really into cheating on his girlfriend (who you DIDN'T know existed haha). but you see how it's a good thing nothing happened between us you two! it also teaches you some very valuable lessons, like not to trust a guy just cuz he's cute (actually, you should be even MORE wary of him because he is cute!).

what you really need to do is stop expecting every little thing to turn out the way you want it to, because that's just not gonna happen. for some reason i keep forgetting this, and it always seems to bite me in the ass... the other day i was cooking in class, and the recipe i was given seemed super easy. yay! i finished before the rest of the class. yay yay!! i put it on the presentation table and OH SHIT. sudden realization: it looks really ugly. i mean like, i've never seen a pasta salad look so ugly in my life, i should be ashamed of what i put on the table, god i hope no one notices the platter that has colors reminiscent of the Joker kinda ugly. it turns out it tasted pretty bland too (according to the chef -___-). clearly in this situation i just needed an ego check, because i assumed that anything i put out there would be orgasmically awesome (which it really wasn't).

but yeah. you get the point. no need for more examples of how my life has kinda screwed up the past couple of weeks life can be full of the unexpected! cuz you probably know a lot about that too. just know that there's always some kind of silver lining behind everything, even if it's just a life lesson that you should have learned a looong time ago.

le sigh... (another day in the life of)

today was just filled with... well, crazy confusion/ disappointment/ anger/ holding back tears/ slight contentment/ delicious food and smells/ beating drums/ a bunch of other emotions that i really wasn't expecting to have this morning.

let's start with the crazy confusion (because sometimes i enjoy alliterations). my sister and my cousin and i were planning on going to downtown LA today for fashion district and little tokyo, so i could get some fabric and we can catch the end of nisei week there. i'll admit, i'm a terrible driver. i pretty much need step-by-step directions everywhere i go unless it's some place that at some point in my life i've driven to on an almost daily basis. so maybe me driving to LA wasn't the best idea, since i don't go there TOO often. but anyway, a lot of times, my sister can be VERY moody, to the point where she mocks/gets mad over pretty much everything i do. so when i politely ask for which freeway entrance is the closest to the bank, she literally yells at me. this is where that anger part comes in. i'm not gonna go into this too much, but let's just say that this was what half the drive there was like (a drive that is at least 20 minutes).

when we finally got there, i kinda had to drive around in circles because we wanted to find meter parking instead of the usual $5 garage parking we usually get because we didn't expect to stay a long time there. after spending a good 5 minutes trying to parallel park at a meter, we found out that the meter doesn't work, so we give up and try to find the $5 garage. while trying to find it, a pigeon comes out of nowhere and decides to just sit in the middle of the road. this is where the holding back tears part comes in. i slow down to try and give time for the pigeon to leave the middle of the street, but my sister and cousin insist i drive forward because there are cars behind me. so i continue driving, certain that the bird would at least see the tires and get out of the way. then, THUD THUD. i don't think it saw the tires... T-T

i try to cheer myself up by thinking about all the fabric that i'm gonna buy from my favorite fabric store, Michael Levine Loft. my plan was to stock up on a load of fabric so i can make some more clothes for fall semester. this is where the disappointment part comes in. guess what? it's closed on sundays, even though their business card says OPEN 7 DAYS A WEEK. lamesauce. we end up just walking around all the random fabric stores around fashion district, looking for all the $1/yard places. guess what else? most of these places require you to buy 3 yards per fabric roll. the ones that don't require it are pretty much just selling crap. 3 yards is WAYY too much for me to buy of one single fabric that i only plan on making one thing with, so i try to be sensible with my spending and the whole time there i end up only buying 2 different fabrics, whereas in Michael Levine, i could have bought 2 AND A HALF LBS of fabric with the same amount of money i spent. le sigh...

we head out to little tokyo, which i have to say is where my day started turning up (maybe because i wasn't expecting much?). anywho, this is where the slight contentment part comes in. we go around the JACCC to see some of the japanese exhibits, including ones on painting, dolls, and some awesome bonsai trees (with tiny fruit! it was like someone had taken a piece of my dreams and placed it in a museum...). there were also japanese drum shows on a number of stages around the area, which was also pretty cool. the local stores had food and gift stands around, and we got a hold of some okonomiyaki and some mochi ice cream (:p). we also bought a takoyaki pan, which i expect to be eating a lot of in the near future :)

after the long drive home, we ended up going to the Puente Hills Mall, and i finally bought nice black leggings (because i've pretty much given up on tights... they rip too easily!!).

as for stuff i've been making, last week i knit a cable messenger bag, but i think i'll just post pics of that along with other stuff i make this week before school starts.

also, sorry this post was so long! i just had to tell SOMEONE about my day...

WTF fish (aka, a day in the life of elaine)

for lunch today, my mom cooked fish soup, and half-way through eating i at a fish bone. this is where my day starts to go downhill... the majority of the day i actually spent trying to remove the bone that was lodged in my throat. after about an hour or so of struggling to do this (apparently i have a really STRONG gag reflex) i eventually gave up because i had to go out and run some errands (damn groceries!).

when i got back home i decided that i should give it a go one more time, mostly because it was starting to hurt A LOT and it was really really stuck in there. after spending the LONGEST time in the restroom just looking down my throat in the mirror and trying to reach it, i finally get to it with a pair of tweezers, with which i had to actually YANK the bone out.

once i was done with that, i was able to continue my day with just a slight sore throat, but i had to suck it up anyway cuz i had to cook dinner. today wasn't a total loss though; i did get to buy a nice pair of jean shorts while i was out :)

the moral of the story: i have to watch out with whatever i eat, because this is the SECOND time this has happened with fish (hence the title of this entry).