raspberry pâte à choux and eight days

my god, it has been a busy week! but now that i finally have a day off and some time to blog, things are starting to slow down (for now) and i have a chance to breathe (whew!). so let me just update you guys on the whole work situation: my job is awesome! i've managed from just being a regular prep cook to being a pastry prep cook, and even working the pastry line! it's great and i'm definitely learning a lot nowadays. the only thing i can't say i like TOO much is the hours. let me explain: yesterday was my eighth day straight working. yep. it was actually supposed to be my day off, but i guess they just love me so much that they want me there all the time! yayy overtime!! 8/

but no joke, i really like my job. i'm happy that i got into that restaurant instead of giving up and settling for some summer retail job because (MOST of) the people there are great and i get to make some pretty delicious desserts.

anyway, onto this week's delectable confection! Pâte à choux dough used to make mini eclairs, profiteroles, and Paris-Brests all filled with a raspberry chantilly creme and fresh raspberries :p

all three of them in their golden-brown glory...

close-up of the Paris-Brest. traditionally, the doughnut shape is meant to resemble a bicycle wheel, celebrating the bicycle race from Paris to Brest and back. because if i'm gonna bike 1200 km, the first thing i'm reaching for isn't water, it's this beauty ;)

and a close-up of the mini eclair. *drool* part of me wished i dipped the top half in some chocolate glaze, but the other part of me doesn't really care at this point cuz it tasted pretty bomb anyway haha.

the chantilly creme had just the right amount of subtle sweetness, along with the fresh raspberries' sweet and sour notes, and the crunchy but eggy flavor of the choux. all i know is, there better be at least ONE left tomorrow morning for me for breakfast. otherwise, someone in this family is losing a finger.

almond irish coffee bites and job training

this past week i've been training for work, and it's just been busy busy busy lately. it's hard to imagine how busy and rushed we'll all be once the restaurant actually opens! there are quite a few things i learned from training, though. for one thing, a lot of times prep cook = slave. okay, maybe that was a slight over exaggeration. but you know how slaves do the same menial tasks over and over again? that's kinda what i was hinting at. okay, maybe it's not really AS BAD as slavery, because we get two days off a week, we don't get physically harmed or anything, and at some point we'll start getting paid for doing this! so i take that last statement back, because i like money! and i also enjoy not wasting away at home all day hahaha.

so let's move on. another thing i learned from training: always, ALWAYS wash the vegetables! ESPECIALLY if it's organic! no joke, dude. because some of the things i saw in there are just NOT pretty.

one more thing i learned: quality over quantity (or at least while it's still training time)! i learned this after making tray after tray of shitty-looking ravioli. i don't know why the HELL i thought i had to rush, it's not like they told me to make a certain amount or anything. once i finally slowed down and put more care into each ravioli, they actually started to look pretty decent :)

anyway, onto this week's dessert! it was actually a result of two ruined sheet pans of biscuit jaconde (siiighhh). basically they just decided that they did not want to separate from the paper, so after scraping piece after piece of the cake off and deciding i didn't want to waste any of it, i crumbled it all and combined it with some irish coffee buttercream that i whipped up, compressed them into a large square, and cut them into cubes. it's basically the same principal behind cake balls, but i just got tired of making them round.

i know i know, they look like rice krispy squares. well they're not, so cut it out!!

my original plan was to dip them in white chocolate ganache so that you couldn't see the sides and then just decorate the top. well, as you can see here, that didn't work, as my ganache turned out to be too runny. well, EFF YOU, white chocolate. why do you always have to eff things up for me?!! pfft. what i ended up doing was just brushing the tops with some thick, glossy dark chocolate sauce that i had left over, which was also thick enough to pipe a little design on top too. see that, white chocolate? dark chocolate will ALWAYS be better than you. don't even think you're better, you supremacist jerk!


things i learned from this experiment:
1. i officially HATE white chocolate. YOU'RE NOT EVEN REAL CHOCOLATE! what percentage of cacao do you have? that's right, zero! get out of here, FAKER!!
2. apparently coffee and chocolate are a winning combination for my dad, who seemed to enjoy these more than some of my other experiments...
3. i found an egg with 2 yolks in it! okay, maybe i didn't learn anything from that, but it's still cool in my book! they're like twins!!! :D

mango charlotte royale and the HOTTEST DAY EVARRR

today was a fun (although HOT) summer day and night; the friends and i had a picnic at the Fullerton Arboretum (free!), we went around Brea mall where i bought some white tshirts for work and some black sandals which i was in DIRE need of because my last pair broke, then we explored and took pictures around IKEA, and ended the day by playing in the park in the dark and cooling off in the grass. all in all, one of the funnest days i've had this summer :) it was a good end to my so-called "break" because next monday i start job training! WOOT!! i'm excited and nervous and just anxious all over about this. hopefully it won't be too bad!

lately the weather has not been kind, staying among the 100's (my car said it was 108 degrees today -___-) and i heard that tomorrow won't be any cooler. and AND lately there has been flash flood warnings around the LA county area...? so i really don't know wtf is UP with alla that nonsense. SOO, because it was so hot, i decided it would be nice to have a fruity chilled dessert to have on hand. i present to you: the Mango Charlotte Royale. yes yes yes, i know the last post i promised a layered jaconde cake, but that dream was swiftly taken away when i realized that i was ONE OUNCE short of the amount of almonds i needed :/

it's mango bavarois lined with genoise mousseline, garnished with mango slices, strawberries, and chocolate. originally i was going to make a little chocolate fence around it just to cover up the sides, but apparently it was so hot that after the chocolate set up in the fridge, it would immediately melt once i took it out. siighhh. anyway, it was the perfect little pick-me-up for this afternoon: cool, smooth, creamy, and deliciously fruity, with just the right amount of subtle sweetness :p

soooo... things that i learned from making this dessert:

1. i need aluminum cake rings! i didn't have any on hand, and so instead i used ramekins lined with saran wrap (which explains all the ridges along the top). "well why didn't you just cut up some cans and use those instead like Alton Brown did?" you ask. well i already tried that, and to tell you the truth, i'm just scared of cutting my hand. so i mean, which would you rather have, a ridged-y sided dessert, or no dessert at all because it was covered in blood? i rest my case.

2. sometimes it's just too hot for chocolate :( unless you want it super melty-like. then it's alright.

3. according to my baking book, the name "Charlotte Russe" is actually the name of a dessert! who knew? it's just another version of the charlotte, just like the Charlotte Royale. it makes me feel slightly better knowing this, so that i won't always have to associate it with just a cheap clothing store :)

4. fruit Bavarian Cream (or Bavarois) is RIDICULOUSLY easy to make :)

kiwi gelato and an update on the job hunt

remember my last post i mentioned a job fair in Newport? well, i MIGHT get the job! or i MIGHT NOT! i know, this whole thing makes me kinda nervous, too. basically, whether i get the job or not (a part time prep cook position) depends on my fall schedule for school, which i won't know until July 7th. sooo, at this point i'm hoping and PRAYING that they'll still want me by then! i was one of the VERY FEW people who actually bothered to dress well (i swear, over half the people just came in tshirts and jeans and flip flops -__-), so i'm hoping that worked well to my advantage.

anyway, onto the gelato!

probably one of the easiest frozen desserts i've ever made, as it has no eggs, and no cooking process whatsoever! :)

kiwis were on sale at my local mexican market for 8 for $1, so of course, i had to take advantage of that...

creamy, soft and tart :p it even managed to stay soft after a day in the freezer, whereas most of the ice creams i've made in the past have just hardened. the only thing i would really change about this recipe is to use powdered sugar instead of granulated white since it's not cooked, and the granulated sugar doesn't really dissolve. other than that, it's a good 8 out of 10 :)

mini cake and trying to make progress

another day, another addition to the portfolio. it turns out, i REALLY need practice, especially with beadwork. looking back on the pictures of the cake i made for the debut, it looks like i haven't improved at all! i'm hoping that maybe that photographer just took the pictures from reeeally good angles.

thank GOD for good lighting. this way it's harder to see some of the less obvious problems. and at least now i know how to make proper buttercream instead of that lame "7-minute" buttercream that i had to make TONS of for the debut cake.

i know that this picture makes the cake look big, but in reality it's only 6 inches in diameter hahaha. that's why those beads look so honkin' huge here. it's half almond, half vanilla cake with a strawberry whipped cream filling. it tastes like the cream from those strawberry Yan Yans haha :p

my sister said it looks like a hat (-___-). sighh... i made one more 9-inch cake but haven't decorated it yet because i ran out of buttercream, but i'll probably get that done soon. tomorrow there are open interviews for a restaurant in Newport, and hopefully i'll have some luck there...

cupcakes and building a portfolio

looking for a job is stressful, people! i should know, because i've been on this job hunt for what feels like FOREVER now. sooo, since many websites suggest making a portfolio and several bakeries have asked for pictures of my work, i've decided it's time to make a portfolio to show them what i can do. BUUUT then i realized i haven't really been taking pictures of some of the more professional-looking things i've made, and the only thing that i think is really worth showing there is the cake i made 2 YEARS AGO for my cousin's debut (back when i really knew NOTHING about making tiered cakes). so to make up for that, i'll be busy the next couple of days baking and decorating as much as i can to take pictures of. here are a few things i made this morning:


almond cupcakes...


orange creme cupcakes...


vanilla cupcakes with crushed almond praline.

i know that these are super plain but for now they'll have to do. right now i have a 6-inch cake in the freezer just waiting to be filled and decorated :)

caprese salad canapes from ze garden :)

one problem that i seem to have with my tomato plants is that for some reason they only grow ripe tomatoes two at a time. not even enough to make a proper salsa, i say! soo, what to do with so few tomatoes? make the perfect mid morning snack, of course!

i put it in the oven for a couple of minutes just to melt the cheese. mmmmm... melty cheese :p


i didn't bake this one, but i wanted to put in the pic just because you can see the inside of the baby tomato better:) drizzled with a little balsamic vinegar after i decided it looked a little naked...

as for my life, not mucho to update on! i'm waiting on a callback after the interview today, and tomorrow is Jaegerhaus day! which is great cuz i'm totally up for some overpriced german food and a little get-together :D

parppadelle with creamy almond basil pesto and a new pasta maker!

that's right, muthhas! i got a shiny red pasta maker, all for $10!!! from where you say? well, yesterday just happened to be a good day for thrift shopping. and yes, i was slightly skeptical myself. buuutt after carefully checking to see if there was anything wrong with it, it turns out it just needed a little cleaning. it was basically brand new, and it couldn't have come at a more perfect time because i was about to ask my parents for one for my birthday :)
it looks a lot like this one. snaaazzyy ;D

i used the school's pasta recipe and it wasn't really the same cuz i had to use AP flour instead of bread flour but it was still pretty good. ALTHOUGHH one thing that i should have considered first is that they might stick together after i rolled & cut them out so i had to deal with that mess too -__-

for the pesto i used raw almonds instead of pine nuts after i saw it on a recipe from foodwishes.com, plus i never buy pine nuts anyway cuz they're soo freakin' expensive for some reason. also, i used the basil from my mini herb/vegetable garden in the backyard. yay for home-grown and a sustainable supply! :D

all in all, it was a delicious & filling meal. aaannd, i had some leftover pesto for future use on mah lazier days.

coming up later this week, a job interview this thursday! last week i went around to a bunch of different bakeries around where i live, and since NONE of them were hiring, i finally stumbled upon this place. it's for a line cook position at a place in brea, so wish me luck on that :)

dark chocolate raspberry and marzipan truffles

the first half of yesterday was spent trapped in the house, as construction workers were fixing the asphalt outside my house. the SECOND half was spent exploring the West Covina Mall and looking for work. by the time i was done i had applied to 7 different places, both in food and retail. hopefully this will result in a callback! i didn't even really finish going around the mall, as i realized there were a bunch of restaurants in the surrounding area that i didn't visit.

today i used this morning to continue my workout plan, which basically just reminded me that i can't do a proper push-up -___- siiigghh. i hope that by the end of the 6 weeks, i'll at least be able to do that! after taking a shower and eating a late and somewhat healthy lunch, i began to work on these babies, which tasted soooo decadent. :p what? i can't eat desserts when i'm trying to work out? WELL EFF THAT. don't bring your negativity in here!

dark chocolate truffles with fresh marzipan-stuffed raspberries. yummm.

right after i decorated them. i love making truffles because they are so surprisingly easy to make and very easy to make them look pretty :)

cross-sectional of one truffle. it's basically a raspberry stuffed with marzipan and double dipped in dark chocolate ganache, then decorated with that same ganache. easy, right? and so so so cute :D

tomorrow i plan on going back to the mall and going around to other places i didn't visit, and maybe bake something as well...

baking rut + feeling a little sick

so after failing to make yeast rolls THREE TIMES* on sunday and having a stranger basically yell at me over the phone for calling about a craigslist ad that asked for cake decorators (even though they didn't say they wanted professional experience), i've felt the need recently to validate myself as a baker. soooo after a trip to costco to buy their 3 lb bag of almonds, and with my brand new food processor, i decided to take things into my own hands.

wednesday: i attempt to make french almond macarons for the first time with the help of my cousin. the taste and texture is there, but the looks are totally wrong. too big, cracks going along the top, and no feet to them. here's what they're supposed to look like if you don't know what they are: http://www.mytartelette.com/2009/08/recipe-coffee-chicory-macarons.html
fancy, right?

thursday: take the leftover ganache filling from the macarons and make espresso truffles coated in crushed almonds. okay, not really baking, but delicious nonetheless (this also was a lot less troublesome because i've made it before hahaha). mmm... truffles.... i also made a huge batch of spaghetti for my sis' bday (again, not baking, but whatever! get off my case, man!).

friday: attempt #2 at macarons; this time, with mint chocolate ganache filling. *drool* also, take the leftover egg yolks from the macarons and make creme brulee with the new ramekins i bought thursday. creme brulee!! coconut creme brulee!!! at the end of the day, the macarons are a flop, again. and actually worse than the first time! *somehow i managed to make them completely hollow :/

saturday: actually get to eat the creme brulee, as we were celebrating my sis' bday with the cousins by eating at BJ's. it would've tasted MUCH better if i didn't feel so sick. a little bit of nausea + headache + stomachaches + large amount of food = probably not a good idea. i've been laying in bed for a while now because getting up just makes me feel gross. but i DID go to Williams Sonoma today and got my new Global Chef's Knife! woot! thank god for that catering job, even if it was only for 3 days, because for those 3 days i was makin' bank!

tomorrow i'm going back to the shelter and on tuesday school starts again, and i'm definitely not looking forward to things like having to come an hour early just to scavenge for parking. sigh. these next 2 weeks are gonna be rough.

*goddamn you, bakery science, for being so difficult!

bittersweet

things are a little weird for me right now. there seems to be some things happening that are bad, but at the same time there are some things going on that are good; it''s so confusing!! what the hell!! is it too much to ask for a little security these days?!

let me just elaborate on this: just as i'm getting more and more comfortable in my relationship with the bf, even to the point where i'd actually tell my parents about him (which i thought would be a LOOONG time from now), he dumps me. and in my attempt to remain friends with him, i volunteered at the shelter today so we could cook together, and guess what? no tension, no awkwardness (to me at least; idk what he himself was thinking). we actually worked pretty damn well when we worked together, which was definitely a big surprise. so it totally sucks that we broke up, but it's totally awesome that we can still be friends and joke around and stuff. i really don't know how to feel about all this! sighhh. life is waaay too unpredictable.

also, THANK GOD for the Rescue Mission. if i had never worked there, i would never have met all these great people, i would never have gotten all this experience in high volume cooking, and i would never have gotten that weekend job last month and made that $500 (which i am planning on spending soon on a new kick-ass chef's knife). all last semester i was kind of moping around about not having an actual job, but the rescue mission is totally awesome, even if i don't get paid. plus if i make a mistake, they're pretty forgiving about it, and none of that money comes out of my pocket! aaaand since i STILL don't have a regular part-time job this semester (YET) i'll be volunteering there every sunday, which i'm really looking forward to :)

life at home is okay too. we're starting to get everything settled with my uncle's death, like closing his bank accounts and stuff. in a few weeks we're planning on going on a boat in Long Beach so we can scatter his ashes at sea, which is what he always wanted.

my school starts again next week, and hopefully things won't be incredibly stressful. i have classes tuesday to friday, but my classes on tuesday, wednesday, and thursday all end around 6pm! sighhh. why do all the classes required for me have to have such shitty hours?? ohh well. beggars can't be choosers. i got all the classes i needed for this semester (for the most part), so i guess i shouldn't complain.

so what's today's obvious-but-realized lesson? life is unpredictable. deal with it, woman! it's what all the cool kids are doing these days :)

2010

is it just me, or does New Year's always feel like the loneliest day of the year? i swear, it even feels lonelier than Valentine's when you don't have a significant other. i want to be with your guys, i want to be with the bf, and i AT LEAST want to be with the cousins (new year's in las vegas? LAMESAUCE). i pretty much just spent the night munching on unhealthy food, sitting around in some very uncomfortable underwear, waiting for the ball in NY to drop, and basically just being lazy as hell. is that really how i wanted to end 2009?

soooo, in my attempt to make this feel like the start of a new beginning, i shall make some resolutions for 2010.

NUMBAH ONE. get a job. a REGULAR job. while the 3-day thing was fun, it turns out i spend a lot more money than i thought -___-
TWO. practice practice PRACTICE all your shit, woman! i'm already starting to forget some of the stuff i learned in class, which is a big no no because in the culinary world, pretty much ALL of it applies to the real world.
THREE. lose some weight. 2009 was a good start (yay for losing 30 lbs!), but i'm sure as hell not done with all of that. goal: get abs by summertime!!!
FOUR. try to spend as much time as possible with the ones you love, because we learned in 2009 that they're not going to be there forever. frau rovell once told us that putting flowers on someone's grave isn't going to replace the time we lost with that person, and she's so right.
FIVE. learn to control things like impulses. i've learned recently that when i get really impulsive i don't even realize what i'm doing until it's already done. that's a BIG no no, that's how people get hurt, and that's how i end up hurting myself.

so there you have it. 5 goals for 2010; here's to somehow managing not to break them. i hope ya'll have a wonderful and prosperous year. i love you guys :)

incredibly tired

tonight was my first night of actual, PAID work. yay mee!!!! it's not a regular job (it's only for 3 days) but at least it's a start! i was helping cater and serve on a yacht in Newport for their annual Christmas yacht parade. A FREAKIN' YACHT, PEOPLE. the yacht went around the area and blasted the christmas music and we got to see all the amazing christmas lights in the area. even though there were a few mishaps, it was still an awesome experience. sighh... you can probably already tell these people are makin' bank (uhh, champagne vinaigrette for their salads? hell yeah, someone's making money). don't worry, elaine. you'll get there someday! (talking to myself sometimes makes me feel better).

i have 2 more nights of this, and then i will officially be on winter break. thank god, because i am freakin' tired. the work wasn't even strenuous or anything, it's just that i'm still so exhausted from school that adding on a few more hours in the days following may not have been the brightest idea (i came in at 4 today and left at 11 -___-).

in other news, i finally finished my finals!!! woot WOOT!! also, apparently my art teacher liked my drawings enough to ask me if he could put them in the art showcase until next semester, which is totally fine with me because i probably would have just thrown them all in the trash anyway. eughh.

so that's pretty much what's been going on with me in the past couple of days. monday will be my first official day of winter break, so HOPEFULLY i'll be able to see gracie poo and the gang sometime soon, because i LOVES ALLA YA'LL. <3

decemBURRRR

tomorrow i am officially HALFWAY done with finals. i still have my nutrition final, first aid final, beginning drawing final, and i have to turn in my journals for directed practice. i seriously cannot believe it's december already, even though we're already halfway through it!! tomorrow i plan on buying all the stuff i need to make christmas presents, and hopefully i'll be done with all of that in time for christmas :)

as for my love life, i am totally glad i have james. BUUTTT what's lame is that i just found out i can't see him for 2 weeks, which totally sucks cuz i had our wednesday date all planned out and ready for tomorrow. i even bought a new dress!!! sighhhh. i only really get to be with him once a week, so a 2 week break pretty much blows. on the plus side though, this gives me more time to finish his christmas present. hopefully he'll like it :)

on another good note, i seriously love buying dresses now that i've lost some weight. now all i need is some money to pay for it all... i also really REALLY need some money because i'm really scared my parents are gonna freak out when they see my phone bill; technically i'm not supposed to be talking on the phone at all (except for emergencies) but i've been talking to james for half an hour every night almost. hopefully things won't be too bad *wishful thinking... i need a job, dammmit!!

sighhhh. so far december has been filled with a crapload of crazy emotions, on both ends of the spectrum. hopefully the rest of december will be filled with emotions on the GOOD side of that spectrum, cuz i could really use it right now.

11:11

i wish i were happy. sometimes i just stare at the time, waiting for 11:11, just so i can make that one wish. i can't even remember how long i've been making this same wish, but it's always been the same: "i wish i were happy... please." sometimes i'll throw in the "please" if i'm feeling extra shitty. i don't even know who i'm asking this from. is it blasphemous to believe wishing something at a certain time of day can make something come true?

i think about my life; is it so sad that i feel i have to wish for some kind of happiness? no, it's really not bad at all. i have a loving, caring family, with whom i spent an awesome thanksgiving. i don't have a paying job, but i'm getting to know the volunteers and residents at work more and more, and i love it. when i started working there i never realized how much i would enjoy it, and now i feel like i can't just leave this place once the internship is over. i only work about 12 hours a week, but i certainly feel as if it has become a second home for me. i even get to spend a couple days a week with a sweet guy. he really is sweet. school's not even that difficult. by some act of God i've been able to maintain a gpa above 3.5 while barely doing any work or studying. 5 classes and an internship shouldn't be so easy. i may not have a lot of money, but i can certainly maintain some sort of life off of what i do have. i realize life's not as tough as i made it out to be. my life, at least.

so maybe it's not necessary for me to make this wish anymore. maybe now i'm just doing it out of habit, a habit i should probably break.

i love you guys :)

a cause for reflection: gender relations

originally i was going to title this entry "sexism" but i think the problem is much bigger than that. honestly, before i left high school, i never really thought about the way men treat women or women treat men. i mean, it wasn't really one of my biggest concerns at the time; i guess i just never noticed the difference before. but now the subject seems to be more and more obvious and increasingly confusing/frustrating for me, as it feels like an entirely new topic for me.

BECAUSE it feels so new and confusing (more often in a negative way), i haven't really formed a strong opinion on the whole subject. just bear with me here: without looking it up, think of YOUR definition of sexism. so when a man defends a woman in an argument BECAUSE she is a woman, is that not sexism? or when a man helps a woman with her load of work because the so-called lady "needs" help, is that not sexism? so if a guy treats me nicely or offers to help me out or anything like that just because i HAPPEN to be of the opposite sex, i never know if i should just accept the help and thank him, or if i should feel slightly offended because he is indirectly thinking of me as weaker.

because there is such a big difference in the ratio of men to women in my field, sometimes i can't help but let a little of the feminism come out. there was a time when i would enjoy the occasional sexual joke, and even partake in the joking; nowadays when i hear a guy tell a sexual joke in the kitchen it suddenly offends me, and even i am surprised at myself. because suddenly there is a BIG difference, and suddenly i realize i am no stranger to sexual harassment, and suddenly when i think of any male i feel slightly disgusted.

but i don't want it to be that way. i want to be able to meet a guy who i CAN'T think of as slightly repulsive. so why the FUCK is it SO HARD to find ANY guy like that when i'm practically surrounded by men/boys every day i go to school?! i mean, WHAT THE HELL?!! C'MON!! i don't want to be the feminist bitch in the kitchen (sooo cliche), but i definitely do NOT want to be thought of as weaker/less competent. if anyone can think of a solution for this, please, do share.

p.s. sorry for the little ranty-poo. obviously things have been getting a little weird for me lately, and when i say lately, i mean within the past year or so :/

perspective

let's start with a little story:
yesterday i was walking into the library at school so i could reserve a study room for today, and this random, middle-aged man came up to me and told me to smile. he politely asked me if i was okay, if i had been done with midterms, things like that. this actually isn't the first time that some random person has come up to me and told me to smile.

my question is: is my happiness that transparent? or unhappiness for that matter?

so transparent, in fact, that a complete stranger can see what's going on? i thought about it for a while, and i came to the conclusion that i haven't really been happy in a long time. i mean, noticeably happy. not about small wins here and there like getting a good grade on a test or getting to school or home without any traffic on the way. i mean like, happy about my life, my situation, about what's going on with me. so as i mull over what i've really been feeling lately, the only conclusion that i have come to is this: all i've been feeling lately is tired. too tired to really stop and be happy or at least complacent about the little wins that i DO get from time to time. i mean, i can recognize when something good happens to me or when i get a brush of luck, but instead of being happy about it, i can't help but just feel a little stoic about it and just brush it off as if it were nothing.

being physically and mentally tired at the same time is VERY exhausting. like today. today i woke up at 5:30am to get to my class that starts at 8:20. between those two times, i go through about an hour and a half or so of rush hour traffic, and once i get to school i have to lug around all of my stuff, which today includes my uniform, my knives, my bag, my notebook, my laptop, and an 8-inch stainless steel frying pan. today i have two classes, one from 8:20-9:25, one from 11:30-4:10, and after that i have to work on a group project which i have no idea how long THAT will last, but i know it will feel like forever since one of my group members is seriously one of the most ANNOYING guys i've ever met. i'm not even going to bother talking about the mentally tired part, mainly because it is just wayyyy too much to type out. i know you know what i mean. and i know that today is FAR from being the longest day of the week for me.

so this is basically what it's going to be like for the rest of the semester for me [insert long sigh here].

back to happiness! i've determined that this is something i SERIOUSLY need to improve on. honestly, i can't even really remember the last time i just felt COMPLACENT about my life. at the moment i've just been accepting and taking everything as it is, which is probably not that good for me. right now i just feel like i need to get everything over with and out of the way.

prescription? probably a little perspective :l

p.s.: don't get me wrong, i know life can be a WHOLE lot worse than it is now. i'm not whining! i just wanted to put how i feel out there on the table.

p.p.s.: i'm using the school's wifi for the first time right now!! and yeah, it's suuper slow.

the best laid plans of mice and men...

you know when you're about to see some crazy shit go down, but you don't really do anything about it, you just kinda stand there and watch? i knew i knew i knew that midterms were coming up, and yet here i am, cramming for 4 midterms all in one weekend. okay, so it's not really "crazy shit" but you know what i mean. speaking of crazy shit, though, the other day i passed by a car accident on the freeway and one of the people involved was walking to the other car, and i noticed she looked a lot like one of my classmates. lo and behold, she was missing from class that day! weird, huh? here's hoping she's okay.

who knows though? things never really come out the way you expect them too, and for some reason this is really true for me. one thing i have learned from this is that sometimes it works out for the best. let's say, for example, that there was a guy you were into, but you soon find out he doesn't exactly feel the same way about you. this is a good thing! because as it turns out, he's the kind of guy into drugs and alcohol and gambling and covering his body in tattoos. oh, and it turns out he's really into cheating on his girlfriend (who you DIDN'T know existed haha). but you see how it's a good thing nothing happened between us you two! it also teaches you some very valuable lessons, like not to trust a guy just cuz he's cute (actually, you should be even MORE wary of him because he is cute!).

what you really need to do is stop expecting every little thing to turn out the way you want it to, because that's just not gonna happen. for some reason i keep forgetting this, and it always seems to bite me in the ass... the other day i was cooking in class, and the recipe i was given seemed super easy. yay! i finished before the rest of the class. yay yay!! i put it on the presentation table and OH SHIT. sudden realization: it looks really ugly. i mean like, i've never seen a pasta salad look so ugly in my life, i should be ashamed of what i put on the table, god i hope no one notices the platter that has colors reminiscent of the Joker kinda ugly. it turns out it tasted pretty bland too (according to the chef -___-). clearly in this situation i just needed an ego check, because i assumed that anything i put out there would be orgasmically awesome (which it really wasn't).

but yeah. you get the point. no need for more examples of how my life has kinda screwed up the past couple of weeks life can be full of the unexpected! cuz you probably know a lot about that too. just know that there's always some kind of silver lining behind everything, even if it's just a life lesson that you should have learned a looong time ago.

goals, revisited

ahhh bloggie. haven't seen ya in a while, but i guess that's my fault. i've abandoned you, and i am oh so sorry. you see, my time has been pretty much hijacked by school, among other things. and it doesn't help that i'm trudging through that time of the month where pretty much every part of my body hurts, it makes me sad to look in a mirror, and little things have the ability to FUCKING PISS ME OFF (like white lint balls stuck all over my black shirts... FUCKKK).

but anyway, that's not the point of this update. since it is midterms week (kinda), i wanted to go back and revisit the goals i had set for this semester. we're at the halfway point, meaning at this point i should be (at least) half the way to accomplishing my goals. so here goes:

1. make friends: at this point their more like acquaintences that i see once or twice or three times a week. but it's progress!! and at least i'm not just sitting quietly in the back of the room like before...
2. get a job: i'm halfway there!!! ahahah internship = unpaid job. so all i needs now is some money, which should be at least a little easier to get to now that i have SOME experience outside of school.
3. organize: ahhh hmmmm... i should probably be working on this one a little more :l admittedly, i'm kinda at the same point i was at when i wrote these goals. but i live a busy life, mang! hahha excuses...
4. lose weight: okay, okay. i haven't lost any weight so far, but i also didn't GAIN any weight, which is good! haha what i DID gain was muscle in the arms, which is mainly due to making such huge batches of food at the shelter -__- technically that counts as toning, right?!
   
5. make going to a school that is 28 miles away worth the trip: ahhhhhhhaha it's worth it on the good days, which i'm trying to have more of :)

so that's where i am with that so far. not QUITE there, but i'm reachin' for the stars with a jet plane, baby! whereas before all i had was a ladder haha

as for other parts of my life, i've had a few surprises (finding out my 21 year old cousin that i -kinda- grew up with is already married and has a 6 month old baby!) and making some new/different decisions (concerning a new interest of the male persuasion ;D). but such is life! and we just gotta do what we do! just remember not to over think things, cuz sometimes you just need to go with the flow <3

schedule!!!

now that i actually have a schedule to give you guys (yes, i know it's the 6th week in), here goes:
(prepare your mind for a lot of hurtin')

Monday:
work 9am-1pm
class 230pm-645pm

Tuesday:
class 820am-925am,
1130am-1235pm
1pm-410pm

Wednesday:
class 1030am-140pm (this usually ends early tho)

Thursday:
class 820am-925am
work 11am-7pm (-___-)

Friday:
class 9am-330pm (this usually ends early too and there's a 30 min or so break in the middle)

so there you have it... the only days that are subject to change are wednesdays and thursdays; this just depends on if i really REALLY start to hate 8hr shifts on thursday, in which case i shall move a couple of hours to wednesday after class (but that depends...)

enjoy your week! :D
<3