incredibly tired

tonight was my first night of actual, PAID work. yay mee!!!! it's not a regular job (it's only for 3 days) but at least it's a start! i was helping cater and serve on a yacht in Newport for their annual Christmas yacht parade. A FREAKIN' YACHT, PEOPLE. the yacht went around the area and blasted the christmas music and we got to see all the amazing christmas lights in the area. even though there were a few mishaps, it was still an awesome experience. sighh... you can probably already tell these people are makin' bank (uhh, champagne vinaigrette for their salads? hell yeah, someone's making money). don't worry, elaine. you'll get there someday! (talking to myself sometimes makes me feel better).

i have 2 more nights of this, and then i will officially be on winter break. thank god, because i am freakin' tired. the work wasn't even strenuous or anything, it's just that i'm still so exhausted from school that adding on a few more hours in the days following may not have been the brightest idea (i came in at 4 today and left at 11 -___-).

in other news, i finally finished my finals!!! woot WOOT!! also, apparently my art teacher liked my drawings enough to ask me if he could put them in the art showcase until next semester, which is totally fine with me because i probably would have just thrown them all in the trash anyway. eughh.

so that's pretty much what's been going on with me in the past couple of days. monday will be my first official day of winter break, so HOPEFULLY i'll be able to see gracie poo and the gang sometime soon, because i LOVES ALLA YA'LL. <3

decemBURRRR

tomorrow i am officially HALFWAY done with finals. i still have my nutrition final, first aid final, beginning drawing final, and i have to turn in my journals for directed practice. i seriously cannot believe it's december already, even though we're already halfway through it!! tomorrow i plan on buying all the stuff i need to make christmas presents, and hopefully i'll be done with all of that in time for christmas :)

as for my love life, i am totally glad i have james. BUUTTT what's lame is that i just found out i can't see him for 2 weeks, which totally sucks cuz i had our wednesday date all planned out and ready for tomorrow. i even bought a new dress!!! sighhhh. i only really get to be with him once a week, so a 2 week break pretty much blows. on the plus side though, this gives me more time to finish his christmas present. hopefully he'll like it :)

on another good note, i seriously love buying dresses now that i've lost some weight. now all i need is some money to pay for it all... i also really REALLY need some money because i'm really scared my parents are gonna freak out when they see my phone bill; technically i'm not supposed to be talking on the phone at all (except for emergencies) but i've been talking to james for half an hour every night almost. hopefully things won't be too bad *wishful thinking... i need a job, dammmit!!

sighhhh. so far december has been filled with a crapload of crazy emotions, on both ends of the spectrum. hopefully the rest of december will be filled with emotions on the GOOD side of that spectrum, cuz i could really use it right now.

it's going to be a long week :l

last thursday when i came home from work i found out my uncle died in the Philippines. he was my dad's big brother, and my cousins' dad.

i think i'm all cried out on this one... at least until the funeral. yesterday morning i was crying so hard on my way to school that eventually i just turned around and came back home. i told my sister class had been canceled.

it definitely hurts. i grew up with my cousins; they're like brothers and sisters to me (lord knows i talk to them a hell of a lot more than i do my actual brother). i visited them today before they headed off to PI. we talked about the last time we saw him, all our funny memories with him, and what we're going to do for his birthday this year since it's in 2 weeks. it was good to know we could all laugh about things like his horrible sense of fashion (last time i saw him he was wearing a twilight shirt that he bought for $2 from hot topic). my dad and one of my aunts is with him in PI now.

i wasn't sure if i wanted to make a post about this but it's definitely one of the biggest things affecting my life right now. yesterday i didn't even want to go on facebook because most of my news feed was people giving their condolences to my cousins. tonight i was forced to go on FB because my dad wanted me to find pictures of my uncle that we could put in a slideshow for his viewing. i'm not even sure if i can go to school or work next thursday or friday because i'm supposed to help my grandma make food for the viewing after they bring the body back to the states. i'm worried about my grandma and how she's taking this all.

yes, he's in a better place now. by next week he'll be back home and with his family, where he belongs. he was a really good father, brother, and uncle, and a good man all over. i'm really going to miss him.

to grace: i know you're coming back soon, and my intention was to get our tattoos done this saturday, but that might not happen for obvious reasons. hopefully we can arrange something sometime soon.

11:11

i wish i were happy. sometimes i just stare at the time, waiting for 11:11, just so i can make that one wish. i can't even remember how long i've been making this same wish, but it's always been the same: "i wish i were happy... please." sometimes i'll throw in the "please" if i'm feeling extra shitty. i don't even know who i'm asking this from. is it blasphemous to believe wishing something at a certain time of day can make something come true?

i think about my life; is it so sad that i feel i have to wish for some kind of happiness? no, it's really not bad at all. i have a loving, caring family, with whom i spent an awesome thanksgiving. i don't have a paying job, but i'm getting to know the volunteers and residents at work more and more, and i love it. when i started working there i never realized how much i would enjoy it, and now i feel like i can't just leave this place once the internship is over. i only work about 12 hours a week, but i certainly feel as if it has become a second home for me. i even get to spend a couple days a week with a sweet guy. he really is sweet. school's not even that difficult. by some act of God i've been able to maintain a gpa above 3.5 while barely doing any work or studying. 5 classes and an internship shouldn't be so easy. i may not have a lot of money, but i can certainly maintain some sort of life off of what i do have. i realize life's not as tough as i made it out to be. my life, at least.

so maybe it's not necessary for me to make this wish anymore. maybe now i'm just doing it out of habit, a habit i should probably break.

i love you guys :)

a cause for reflection: gender relations

originally i was going to title this entry "sexism" but i think the problem is much bigger than that. honestly, before i left high school, i never really thought about the way men treat women or women treat men. i mean, it wasn't really one of my biggest concerns at the time; i guess i just never noticed the difference before. but now the subject seems to be more and more obvious and increasingly confusing/frustrating for me, as it feels like an entirely new topic for me.

BECAUSE it feels so new and confusing (more often in a negative way), i haven't really formed a strong opinion on the whole subject. just bear with me here: without looking it up, think of YOUR definition of sexism. so when a man defends a woman in an argument BECAUSE she is a woman, is that not sexism? or when a man helps a woman with her load of work because the so-called lady "needs" help, is that not sexism? so if a guy treats me nicely or offers to help me out or anything like that just because i HAPPEN to be of the opposite sex, i never know if i should just accept the help and thank him, or if i should feel slightly offended because he is indirectly thinking of me as weaker.

because there is such a big difference in the ratio of men to women in my field, sometimes i can't help but let a little of the feminism come out. there was a time when i would enjoy the occasional sexual joke, and even partake in the joking; nowadays when i hear a guy tell a sexual joke in the kitchen it suddenly offends me, and even i am surprised at myself. because suddenly there is a BIG difference, and suddenly i realize i am no stranger to sexual harassment, and suddenly when i think of any male i feel slightly disgusted.

but i don't want it to be that way. i want to be able to meet a guy who i CAN'T think of as slightly repulsive. so why the FUCK is it SO HARD to find ANY guy like that when i'm practically surrounded by men/boys every day i go to school?! i mean, WHAT THE HELL?!! C'MON!! i don't want to be the feminist bitch in the kitchen (sooo cliche), but i definitely do NOT want to be thought of as weaker/less competent. if anyone can think of a solution for this, please, do share.

p.s. sorry for the little ranty-poo. obviously things have been getting a little weird for me lately, and when i say lately, i mean within the past year or so :/

backsies!!

so i take it back. the last post i made (earlier today, actually) i said that i couldn't remember the last time i was really happy. but yeah, i take that back :)

perspective

let's start with a little story:
yesterday i was walking into the library at school so i could reserve a study room for today, and this random, middle-aged man came up to me and told me to smile. he politely asked me if i was okay, if i had been done with midterms, things like that. this actually isn't the first time that some random person has come up to me and told me to smile.

my question is: is my happiness that transparent? or unhappiness for that matter?

so transparent, in fact, that a complete stranger can see what's going on? i thought about it for a while, and i came to the conclusion that i haven't really been happy in a long time. i mean, noticeably happy. not about small wins here and there like getting a good grade on a test or getting to school or home without any traffic on the way. i mean like, happy about my life, my situation, about what's going on with me. so as i mull over what i've really been feeling lately, the only conclusion that i have come to is this: all i've been feeling lately is tired. too tired to really stop and be happy or at least complacent about the little wins that i DO get from time to time. i mean, i can recognize when something good happens to me or when i get a brush of luck, but instead of being happy about it, i can't help but just feel a little stoic about it and just brush it off as if it were nothing.

being physically and mentally tired at the same time is VERY exhausting. like today. today i woke up at 5:30am to get to my class that starts at 8:20. between those two times, i go through about an hour and a half or so of rush hour traffic, and once i get to school i have to lug around all of my stuff, which today includes my uniform, my knives, my bag, my notebook, my laptop, and an 8-inch stainless steel frying pan. today i have two classes, one from 8:20-9:25, one from 11:30-4:10, and after that i have to work on a group project which i have no idea how long THAT will last, but i know it will feel like forever since one of my group members is seriously one of the most ANNOYING guys i've ever met. i'm not even going to bother talking about the mentally tired part, mainly because it is just wayyyy too much to type out. i know you know what i mean. and i know that today is FAR from being the longest day of the week for me.

so this is basically what it's going to be like for the rest of the semester for me [insert long sigh here].

back to happiness! i've determined that this is something i SERIOUSLY need to improve on. honestly, i can't even really remember the last time i just felt COMPLACENT about my life. at the moment i've just been accepting and taking everything as it is, which is probably not that good for me. right now i just feel like i need to get everything over with and out of the way.

prescription? probably a little perspective :l

p.s.: don't get me wrong, i know life can be a WHOLE lot worse than it is now. i'm not whining! i just wanted to put how i feel out there on the table.

p.p.s.: i'm using the school's wifi for the first time right now!! and yeah, it's suuper slow.

the best laid plans of mice and men...

you know when you're about to see some crazy shit go down, but you don't really do anything about it, you just kinda stand there and watch? i knew i knew i knew that midterms were coming up, and yet here i am, cramming for 4 midterms all in one weekend. okay, so it's not really "crazy shit" but you know what i mean. speaking of crazy shit, though, the other day i passed by a car accident on the freeway and one of the people involved was walking to the other car, and i noticed she looked a lot like one of my classmates. lo and behold, she was missing from class that day! weird, huh? here's hoping she's okay.

who knows though? things never really come out the way you expect them too, and for some reason this is really true for me. one thing i have learned from this is that sometimes it works out for the best. let's say, for example, that there was a guy you were into, but you soon find out he doesn't exactly feel the same way about you. this is a good thing! because as it turns out, he's the kind of guy into drugs and alcohol and gambling and covering his body in tattoos. oh, and it turns out he's really into cheating on his girlfriend (who you DIDN'T know existed haha). but you see how it's a good thing nothing happened between us you two! it also teaches you some very valuable lessons, like not to trust a guy just cuz he's cute (actually, you should be even MORE wary of him because he is cute!).

what you really need to do is stop expecting every little thing to turn out the way you want it to, because that's just not gonna happen. for some reason i keep forgetting this, and it always seems to bite me in the ass... the other day i was cooking in class, and the recipe i was given seemed super easy. yay! i finished before the rest of the class. yay yay!! i put it on the presentation table and OH SHIT. sudden realization: it looks really ugly. i mean like, i've never seen a pasta salad look so ugly in my life, i should be ashamed of what i put on the table, god i hope no one notices the platter that has colors reminiscent of the Joker kinda ugly. it turns out it tasted pretty bland too (according to the chef -___-). clearly in this situation i just needed an ego check, because i assumed that anything i put out there would be orgasmically awesome (which it really wasn't).

but yeah. you get the point. no need for more examples of how my life has kinda screwed up the past couple of weeks life can be full of the unexpected! cuz you probably know a lot about that too. just know that there's always some kind of silver lining behind everything, even if it's just a life lesson that you should have learned a looong time ago.

goals, revisited

ahhh bloggie. haven't seen ya in a while, but i guess that's my fault. i've abandoned you, and i am oh so sorry. you see, my time has been pretty much hijacked by school, among other things. and it doesn't help that i'm trudging through that time of the month where pretty much every part of my body hurts, it makes me sad to look in a mirror, and little things have the ability to FUCKING PISS ME OFF (like white lint balls stuck all over my black shirts... FUCKKK).

but anyway, that's not the point of this update. since it is midterms week (kinda), i wanted to go back and revisit the goals i had set for this semester. we're at the halfway point, meaning at this point i should be (at least) half the way to accomplishing my goals. so here goes:

1. make friends: at this point their more like acquaintences that i see once or twice or three times a week. but it's progress!! and at least i'm not just sitting quietly in the back of the room like before...
2. get a job: i'm halfway there!!! ahahah internship = unpaid job. so all i needs now is some money, which should be at least a little easier to get to now that i have SOME experience outside of school.
3. organize: ahhh hmmmm... i should probably be working on this one a little more :l admittedly, i'm kinda at the same point i was at when i wrote these goals. but i live a busy life, mang! hahha excuses...
4. lose weight: okay, okay. i haven't lost any weight so far, but i also didn't GAIN any weight, which is good! haha what i DID gain was muscle in the arms, which is mainly due to making such huge batches of food at the shelter -__- technically that counts as toning, right?!
   
5. make going to a school that is 28 miles away worth the trip: ahhhhhhhaha it's worth it on the good days, which i'm trying to have more of :)

so that's where i am with that so far. not QUITE there, but i'm reachin' for the stars with a jet plane, baby! whereas before all i had was a ladder haha

as for other parts of my life, i've had a few surprises (finding out my 21 year old cousin that i -kinda- grew up with is already married and has a 6 month old baby!) and making some new/different decisions (concerning a new interest of the male persuasion ;D). but such is life! and we just gotta do what we do! just remember not to over think things, cuz sometimes you just need to go with the flow <3

schedule!!!

now that i actually have a schedule to give you guys (yes, i know it's the 6th week in), here goes:
(prepare your mind for a lot of hurtin')

Monday:
work 9am-1pm
class 230pm-645pm

Tuesday:
class 820am-925am,
1130am-1235pm
1pm-410pm

Wednesday:
class 1030am-140pm (this usually ends early tho)

Thursday:
class 820am-925am
work 11am-7pm (-___-)

Friday:
class 9am-330pm (this usually ends early too and there's a 30 min or so break in the middle)

so there you have it... the only days that are subject to change are wednesdays and thursdays; this just depends on if i really REALLY start to hate 8hr shifts on thursday, in which case i shall move a couple of hours to wednesday after class (but that depends...)

enjoy your week! :D
<3

just a note:

so my new boss is a man with a really long ponytail. i'm assuming this is God's way of testing me!

-____-

i feel like i should be blogging about what happened today, but to be honest i'm not even sure i want to think about the whole scenario anymore, because at this point it just makes me tired and angry. so let me just say, that there is no pleasant side to something as unpleasant as a car accident.

txt me later <3

whore d'oeuvres

during my lunch break today i decided to browse around the cookbook section of my schools library, which was incredibly vaast (jk, it was only 2 shelves, but that's still wayy more than the rowland heights library!). i picked out two books and finally checked something out of that library, something i have been hesitant to do in the past, mainly because there are so many front desks and i'm never sure which one i have to check out to! anywayyy, putting aside my slight embarrassment, one of the cookbooks had this awesome recipe that i knew i HAD to make once i got home, and it was a recipe for Gougéres.

Gougéres are meant to be a kind of hors d'oeuvres. it's a little savoury snack that is both crispy on the outside and soft and eggy on the inside. the dough is similar to pate a choux dough, which is used for eclairs and cream puffs :p

in the oven. grow for me, my pretties!!! TEEHHEEEHEE!!!! the recipe called for gruyere cheese and thyme, but i replaced that with mild cheddar cheese and basil, because Stater Bros. doesn't carry gruyere and swiss is wayyy to expensivo.
a couple close-ups of one. the recipe suggested to serve them with caramelized onions, and MY GOD it was delicious. it was like fireworks exploding in my mouth, tickling every one of my tastebuds. *drool* this one i stuffed with some caramelized onions and a couple mini basil leaves.

since my first try with a recipe from this book was so successful, expect to see more of these little bites to come :p

*also, to those of you who don't like onions, lemme just say I DON'T CARE. and as a future chef, i think that is my job. caramelized onions are THE BOMB.

in other news, my schedule for this semester is still not finalized! i'm waiting on a call from the OC Rescue Mission so i know what my hours are going to be, and once this week is over i'll finally know the dealio with my schedule. orientation for the place was last night, and lemme tell ya, that place was SNAZZY. they even had a giant chessboard for the kids to play with (cayyutttee!!!). they also have a set of giant gates in the front, and it kinda reminds me of the 1971 Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. i'm really looking forward to working there, as this will be my first experience working in a commercial kitchen other than the one at school. even if it's unpaid, i get to help people out, which is always a plus. here's hoping it's gonna be awesome :)

schoolio

school has been kinda trudging along. not even two whole weeks and i'm already tired as hell, but i just wanted to give you guys a little update on what's goin on with me. so far, here are my classes for this semester:

1. Food Production Management: cooking food in large quantities and learning how to order ingredients, manage employees, etc.
   
2. Pantry: learning cooking methods for things like dressings, eggs & breakfast foods, etc. (yesterday we made mayonnaise!)
3. Directed Practice in Food Service Management: INTERNSHIP! (i'll talk about this later in the post).
4. First Aid & CPR
5. Nutrition
6. Beginning Drawing

so yeah, Directed Practice is supposed to be the internship class in the culinary program, but what i didn't know is that you have to find your own place to intern at! so since i don't have a job yet, i'm looking into volunteering at this rescue mission/soup kitchen place but i have yet to settle all of that. we have to work either 8hrs/week unpaid or 10hrs/week paid, so i really need to get in contact with them soon about that. as for my actual schedule, i won't get it officially settled until i complete all the crap with this class, so that'll be like, in 2 weeks hahaa. once that is done i'll post my actual school schedule up here :)

:D

2nd day of class was SO SO SOOOO much better!!!

yayyy elaine! :D

realitycheck scratch that

why is it that fall semester always seems crappier than spring (for me at least)? i mean, it's not like i'm starting something entirely new. it's the same classrooms, the same teachers, the same 28 mile trek down to costa mesa, and mostly the same people. nothing much has changed, and yet a lot of things feel entirely different, and not in a good way.

i'm fairly certain it's not just the weather.

let's rewind. GOALS FOR THIS SEMESTER:

1. MAKE FRIENDS. because i can't stand being a wallflower anymore.
   
2. GET A FUCKING JOB. because that tat ain't gonna pay for itself!!
3. ORGANIZE ALL YOUR SHIT. just because my sister's half of the room is messy doesn't give me an excuse to be messy too.
4. LOSE WEIGHT/tone up! in a healthy way, of course (unlike last semester...).
5. make going to a school 28 miles away from home WORTH THE TRIP.
   

EDIT: le sigh...

it turns out, that fabric i bought from fashion district on sunday was really, REALLY crappy. and i mean, like, unbelievably crappy, to the point where i'm almost certain i can't make anything wearable with it. so much for sewing as much as possible before school starts!! :l

on a happier note, yesterday i went to the good ol' thrift store and stocked up on some awesome sweaters for fall. sigh... i can't wait for signs of fall to show so i can start wearing them! most likely though, that won't be anytime soon: this weekend the temperatures are supposedly surpassing 100 degrees, and even though i start school next week, we all know that for some reason the first few weeks are always the hottest!!

as for food, i think the next few days i should be reviewing some basic terms i've forgotten over the summer (beurre blanc?! noisette?! MONT AU BEURRE?!!) and start cooking in more of the french style that we learned in school rather than cooking in what i call the "lazy asian" style, or basically, just stir frying everything in one pan (which is what i've been doing for most of the summer). today for lunch i made ravioli with sauteed mushrooms, julienne carrots, and pecans in a basil butter sauce. diagnosis? AWESOME (or is it prognosis? i have no idea...). anywho, there will be more deliciousness to come, as saturday is my cousin's birthday party and i shall make a cake. i'll probably post pics of that once it's done :)

yay food!

also, i just wanted to mention that i applied for a job at the Orange Julius/ Dairy Queen stand at Puente Hills mall cuz they said they were hiring. hopefully at least i will get a call from them, as this would be the EIGHTH time i've applied for a job this summer.

le sigh... (another day in the life of)

today was just filled with... well, crazy confusion/ disappointment/ anger/ holding back tears/ slight contentment/ delicious food and smells/ beating drums/ a bunch of other emotions that i really wasn't expecting to have this morning.

let's start with the crazy confusion (because sometimes i enjoy alliterations). my sister and my cousin and i were planning on going to downtown LA today for fashion district and little tokyo, so i could get some fabric and we can catch the end of nisei week there. i'll admit, i'm a terrible driver. i pretty much need step-by-step directions everywhere i go unless it's some place that at some point in my life i've driven to on an almost daily basis. so maybe me driving to LA wasn't the best idea, since i don't go there TOO often. but anyway, a lot of times, my sister can be VERY moody, to the point where she mocks/gets mad over pretty much everything i do. so when i politely ask for which freeway entrance is the closest to the bank, she literally yells at me. this is where that anger part comes in. i'm not gonna go into this too much, but let's just say that this was what half the drive there was like (a drive that is at least 20 minutes).

when we finally got there, i kinda had to drive around in circles because we wanted to find meter parking instead of the usual $5 garage parking we usually get because we didn't expect to stay a long time there. after spending a good 5 minutes trying to parallel park at a meter, we found out that the meter doesn't work, so we give up and try to find the $5 garage. while trying to find it, a pigeon comes out of nowhere and decides to just sit in the middle of the road. this is where the holding back tears part comes in. i slow down to try and give time for the pigeon to leave the middle of the street, but my sister and cousin insist i drive forward because there are cars behind me. so i continue driving, certain that the bird would at least see the tires and get out of the way. then, THUD THUD. i don't think it saw the tires... T-T

i try to cheer myself up by thinking about all the fabric that i'm gonna buy from my favorite fabric store, Michael Levine Loft. my plan was to stock up on a load of fabric so i can make some more clothes for fall semester. this is where the disappointment part comes in. guess what? it's closed on sundays, even though their business card says OPEN 7 DAYS A WEEK. lamesauce. we end up just walking around all the random fabric stores around fashion district, looking for all the $1/yard places. guess what else? most of these places require you to buy 3 yards per fabric roll. the ones that don't require it are pretty much just selling crap. 3 yards is WAYY too much for me to buy of one single fabric that i only plan on making one thing with, so i try to be sensible with my spending and the whole time there i end up only buying 2 different fabrics, whereas in Michael Levine, i could have bought 2 AND A HALF LBS of fabric with the same amount of money i spent. le sigh...

we head out to little tokyo, which i have to say is where my day started turning up (maybe because i wasn't expecting much?). anywho, this is where the slight contentment part comes in. we go around the JACCC to see some of the japanese exhibits, including ones on painting, dolls, and some awesome bonsai trees (with tiny fruit! it was like someone had taken a piece of my dreams and placed it in a museum...). there were also japanese drum shows on a number of stages around the area, which was also pretty cool. the local stores had food and gift stands around, and we got a hold of some okonomiyaki and some mochi ice cream (:p). we also bought a takoyaki pan, which i expect to be eating a lot of in the near future :)

after the long drive home, we ended up going to the Puente Hills Mall, and i finally bought nice black leggings (because i've pretty much given up on tights... they rip too easily!!).

as for stuff i've been making, last week i knit a cable messenger bag, but i think i'll just post pics of that along with other stuff i make this week before school starts.

also, sorry this post was so long! i just had to tell SOMEONE about my day...

WTF fish (aka, a day in the life of elaine)

for lunch today, my mom cooked fish soup, and half-way through eating i at a fish bone. this is where my day starts to go downhill... the majority of the day i actually spent trying to remove the bone that was lodged in my throat. after about an hour or so of struggling to do this (apparently i have a really STRONG gag reflex) i eventually gave up because i had to go out and run some errands (damn groceries!).

when i got back home i decided that i should give it a go one more time, mostly because it was starting to hurt A LOT and it was really really stuck in there. after spending the LONGEST time in the restroom just looking down my throat in the mirror and trying to reach it, i finally get to it with a pair of tweezers, with which i had to actually YANK the bone out.

once i was done with that, i was able to continue my day with just a slight sore throat, but i had to suck it up anyway cuz i had to cook dinner. today wasn't a total loss though; i did get to buy a nice pair of jean shorts while i was out :)

the moral of the story: i have to watch out with whatever i eat, because this is the SECOND time this has happened with fish (hence the title of this entry).

summer breeze, makes me feel fine...

the past few weeks have been kind of slow, but it seems so fast when i realize that school starts in a couple of weeks :l also, my birthday is this weekend! 19! woot...? i've decided that i'm not gonna have a party/get-together thing this time around; the little fambam and i are just gonna eat lunch somewhere and i guess i'll bake something haha :)

as for me making stuff, recently i've been going to a lot of thrift stores around the area and found some pretty neato things like bags, tops, and shoes (mmmm...), but so far i've only made 1 thing out of that stuff. a few days ago i made an awesome cropped navy vest out of a dress i bought at a thrift store in La Mirada, but sorry, no actual pics this time :/ for a visual though (and to make the blog look more interesting), i'll give you somewhat of a mental picture of what it looks like:

it looks like kind of a cross between these 2 vests

so if you could just use a little imagination, you can probably picture what it looks like :D

also, i've been trying to find some nice (and cheap) shoes on ebay, so hopefully my sister will win those bids for meee... a couple weeks ago i got a pair of vintage Doc Martens which i have been drooling over for a while now, especially since it wasn't $180! woot! can't wait for fall to come just so i have a reason to wear them (boots just seem to be a no-no in this hot weather).

resuming challenge!!! haha

woot! so the sunburn is pretty much gone, and now it's safe to take pics haha. i'm just gonna gather all the stuff i didn't update on into one big post. this is in chronological order, of MOST of the stuff i made, because i actually made other stuff but those were... uhhh.... well, i don't wanna call them "failures," but that's pretty much what they were. again, excuse the crappy pics :/

baby pink maxi dress with gold straps. i don't know wtf i was thinking when i made this, since obvviously i have NOWHERE to wear it to. i just wanted something pretty!!! and it really is pretty in person... also, sorry for visible bra straps...

baby pink jersey tank with rosettes. this one was kinda tricky cuz the entire top was made from the scraps of fabric that were left over from the pink maxi dress. but i actually did it! woot!! also, it's kinda hard to see but there's a drawstring at the waist, and that's why there's the tie.

close-up of the rosettes. i was surprised at how nice they came out. this top is really comfy :)

floral mini dress made from a HUGE mumu-like dress that i found at the thrift store. in retrospect, i suppose i should wear something underneath like tights cuz it's really short.

here's a pic of it without the flash, so you can see that it's a really flowy dress. and the print is soo pretty!! i was kinda going for a vintage-y feel :)

yellow twist vest. you can't really tell from the picture, but at the bottom of the vest there's supposed to be kinda a twisty thing going on haha. this one didn't come out as good as i hoped it would but i still think it's worthy of posting! i didn't really come up with this one either... i saw a tutorial online on how to make one, and it looked really cute, so i thought, why not. ugh. whatever!

as for this week, i still haven't come up with anything!! i've been doing a lot of little things here and there, but not really "making" anything. and it's already thursday!! need to think of something quick.

lately, i've been trying to keep myself busy by doing the most random shit around the house. for example, today i tried polishing my leather high-heels with a banana peel, cuz i read online that it's supposed to be good for leather, and it actually worked! haha i was pretty surprised by the outcome... the only problem i guess with this is the shoes smelled kinda like banana afterward? but as long as they look nice haha. yesterday i took the time to rearrange my makeup brushes in a more organized way. so what does this all mean? I AM FREAKING BORED AT HOME. to the point where i feel it is necessary to do all this random shit. sighh... school starts at the end of august, and i'm really excited about it, but at the same time i'm kinda loathing it :/

we'll see what happens :)

interruption

i realize that i missed last week's entry... but i promise i did have something to post!!! i made a dress, but i never got around to taking pics of it, and since i have a INTENSE sunburn right now, i don't think it would be a good idea to take pics of my red and burn-y skin... just so you know how painful it is, it hurts just putting on a shirt (i got burnt on my back, chest, and upper legs).

i'm gonna put a hold on posting up pics of the clothes i make for a week or so, just until the flaming red reduces into a crispy brown... i'll still be making clothes because i know for sure i won't be leaving the house too much while i'm like this, but i'll probably just gather them all into one post later on.

on a lighter note, i actually didn't burn my arms this time!! i have to say yay, because every time i've had sunburn before, the only part i ever really burnt was my arms and shoulders, which always led to a horrific farmer's tan. also, i'm gonna look on the brighter side and just tell myself that burnt legs = tan legs later on. yayyy :)

challenge post #2

i'm finally getting around to posting my entry for this week, one hour before the week is over! whew!

this week i did a painting, as i finally got some paints to work with! yay!! pretty much all i got was primary colors, so i guess from now on i'll be mixing/blending all my colors myself... anywhoo! on to the painting!!

this one is entitled "Lost." if you look at the following pictures, i think it's pretty obvious why. it's a pretty small painting in person, as i'm probably not skilled enough to do something on a large scale...

view of the entire painting...

close-up of the little star. look at his expression.

i used acrylic on cardboard, cuz canvas is so overrated :) i wanted to do something a little cutesy, but with a little meaning to it. sometimes i think we all feel like that little star...

anyway, this week has been pretty eventful, at least in comparison to some of my more lazier summer days. thursday i went with elaine, jackie, and sarah to disneyland, cuz apparently jackie works there now!!! it was fun, and we ended up spending the entire day there, until midnight. friday i went with a couple cousins to the beach, which was WAY too packed, i'm guessing cuz it's 4th of july weekend. soo packed in fact, that people around us were actually arguing over their claim on the bonfire pits... today is the 4th of july, so the fam bam and i trekked over to suzanne park to watch the fireworks show, which was kinda nice. i wish the fireworks were a little closer though... ohh well. yesterday morning i sent in my application to sally beauty supply, the location near the michaels on colima. here's hoping i get the job! getting rejected from 7 different places would be kind of a downer. other than that, there's not much going on in my life...

happy 4th of july you guys! have a good one :D

challenge post #1

but before i get to that, what is UP with all the celebrities dying?!! sorry. i'm watching the news right now and they said michael jackson died today. but not too long before that, farrah fawcett died. and not too long before THAT, ed mcmahon died. hopefully this won't be a continuing trend...

ANYWAY, back to the challenge. yay for keeping up! yesterday i made a hot pink tank top with knit details. enjoy!
excuse the obvious bra straps. i was too lazy to change to a strapless. also, excuse the unflattering pictures... bad lighting+sis taking pics= awkward looking pics
backsies! you can't really tell, but there's supposed to be a braid at the top of the straps and the bottom part is just supposed to be kinda dangling there...

on the bed. the straps look like a hot mess...

knit detail at middle of tank. i cut up strips of the cloth and knit them together. i needed really thick knitting needles to knit it, so i used two of those thick highlighter markers as needles. yay for improvising!
this is the dress that i mentioned two posts ago that was meant for clubbing... i promise it looks better in person!!!
another angle
pleating detail :)
on the bed again.

two posts ago i also mentioned a painting, but all of that is being put on hiatus right now because my sister still has to find her paints... right now all she can find is white, which doesn't help too much all on its own.

anywho, more to come soon!! two days ago i went to fashion district with the sis and the cousin and i didn't get too much fabric, but i did get some... hopefully i'll get some use out of them :]

ALSO, another random blurb. i HATE registering for classes! today i registered for classes online, and the ONE class that i really wanted to get into i couldn't!! again!!! i registered for 5 classes so far, and it's STILL only 12 units!!!! why are they so stingy with the units?!!? i'm still gonna try and waitlist for that class that i didn't get into, that way it fills up most of my week. hopefully it'll all work out :/

official grades

for spring semester:

Culinary Principles 2: A
Principles of Baking 1: A
Ornamental Horticulture: B
Freshman Composition: B
Contemporary Ethnic America: A

3.6 GPA for spring! yay :)

summer challenge!!!

seeing as how i'm only a couple weeks into summer vacation and i'm ALREADY bored, i've come up with a little "summer challenge" for myself that i will try to keep you guys posted on in this blogger. so here goes...

the challenge is to make as many things as possible, but complete at least ONE thing every week. by "make," i mean sewing clothing, making accessories, painting a picture, baking something, etc. you get the idea.

rules:

1. finish at least 1 thing every week
2. a "finished" item needs to be something i'm satisfied with, i.e. it can't be some useless piece of shit that i whip up in an hour and pass off as something i "like"
3. each item requires at least 1/2 hour of planning (which won't be too difficult because i usually take a long time just thinking about what to make...)
4. each item has to LOOK like i tried. people need to be able to tell that i put some kind of effort into it (depth of thought would be nice!)
   
5. each item must display SOME kind of originality (for example, if i sew a dress, i shouldn't be able to find an exact copy of it in some store or online or something...)
6. post each completed item on blogger!!!
   

goal: other than to just keep me busy, the goal of this challenge is to expand my creative abilities and to use up whatever materials i have, in a "creative" way. i want to show some kind of productivity for this summer instead of just staying at home being a lazy couch potato. by doing this, maybe i'll even come up with a tattoo design i like cuz at the moment i keep changing my mind...

anyWHAYYYS as i'm typing this i'm kinda working on a piece that i started an hour or so ago, so hopefully i'll have that finished and posted soon (yay for painting!!!). also, some time next week i'm heading off to fashion district, so hopefully i'll get some good cloth there and whip up some clothing and whatnot cuz my stash right now is looking pretty lame. :p

also, just to keep you guys posted, so far this summer i've made 1 top (that i'm kinda not so satisfied with) and 1 dress that i'd say looks pretty cool, although i have yet to wear it out in public (as it was intended for clubbing, but i have yet to do that as well haha). someday i'll find a semi-formal event to wear it to, then BAAM. i'll wear it. hahahaha :)

ps, another semi-challenge that i'm working on is to just not re-gain any the weight that i lost during the school year, cuz that would just suck. suck many tiny monkey balls. pshh. those monkeys would LOVE that. gross.

originally,

i was planning on writing an entry about how things were changing since i have already completed my first year of college. obviously it has been a couple days since my last class, and over these past couple of days i have been trying to think of something at least somewhat intelligent to write about all this, but nothing really comes to mind. now i find that it would just be ridiculous to think of this as some sort of milestone because here's the thing: it's just the beginning. i have a long, LONG way to go, and time is going by way too fast.

ps. i'll be trying to be really productive on the sewing machine this summer. so far: 1 item of clothing completed (minidress/tunic), 1 item planned/in the works (cardigan).

my bday gift to elaine (a picture shortstory)

trying to find some of my more "artsy" roots nowadays... :O

watercolor painting i made for elaine... it's a little hard to see some of the finer details (as if there were many haha)
another angle
cute mini pastry-tart thing i made last night :9
aerial view of the star-flower thing... mmmm....
ta-da!!!

Happy Birthday, Elaine!! have a good one! :)

CAYUUUUUUTTEEEE!!!!

totally random entry, but today when i was walking around campus i saw a duck with a bunch of little baby ducklings following it around!!! SOOO CUUUUTEEE!!! hahhaa i tried taking a picture of it with my cellphone but it came out kinda bad cuz they were in the shadow... ohh wells :]

haircut

i can't even remember the last time i got a haircut. safe to say, today i got my first haircut in over a year, and it definitely was one of my more memorable experiences in a salon. let me just elaborate on this:

i sit down in the chair and take down my hair, and the asian woman looks at me, hands me an afro pick, and in a thick accent says to me, "help me comb it." umm... "it?!" i know, i have a lot of hair, and it doesn't help that it's exuberantly long and curly, but my feelings are at stake here!! i agree to help, just because i want to get this over with. the woman tells me i should go to a korean place to get my hair straightened: "i don know what dey do but dey good!!" (haha sorry for sounding racist there...) throughout my stay there, the woman calls me "ate," and i'm guessing she's had a lot of filipino women as customers.

when the combing and detangling is finished, she asks me to stand from the chair. at this point i'm a little confused, but decide to go with it. it turns out that since my hair is so long, it's easier for her to cut off the six inches while i'm standing. for about 15 minutes i'm just standing there as she trims the longest parts of my hair (goodbye, split ends!!).

when i sit back down, she begins to layer the rest of my hair, and at some point i look like cousin itt from The Addams Family, but with curly hair:

yeahhhhh... anyway, as i'm sitting there, all i can think is "i'm definitely blogging about this later." while she's thinning out my hair, i stare blankly at the tufts of dry frizzy hair falling onto the ground, like if an airplane were dropping batches of airy cotton candy from the sky (if that EVER happened, i would SO be outside catching it haha).

when it's all over, i look at myself in the mirror, and kind of miss my old, long, hippie-ish hair. but then i look at the ground, and see that it's all there, just waiting to be swept up. ohh well. haircut= no split ends= nice, fresh start :)

103.

when i was driving home from school today, the temperature on my car said it was 103 degrees. 'nuff said.

FAIL

ohh man. i just checked my grades on blackboard. i got a 58/100 on my written baking midterm. i knew all the good grades i've been getting would have to end somewhere...

i need to remind myself that THIS (baking) is what i'm planning on doing with my future. *SLAP*

cruisin'

this past week went by pretty quickly, and i was really surprised because i had two midterms. good news: only one midterm left! yay!! not-so-good news: one essay and one project due this week, both of which i haven't really started...

today is easter sunday, and it's still pretty hard for me to believe that it's already april. only a few more weeks and school will be over!!! (this is me trying to be optimistic haha). even though i've been complaining about how shitty some things have been this past semester, i guess i'm just glad that it's going by somewhat quickly, and guess what else, i'm not doing too bad with my grades either, which is always a plus.

this weekend was pretty chill. saturday i went to fashion district with my sis and my cousin so i could buy some cheap-o fabric from Michael Levine Loft, my new fave place for fabric :D, and to get some awesome blossom extra awesome tacos from Grand Central Market, my fave place for super fatty authentic mexican tacos :9, which always seems to be our routine when we go to LA. after that we went home and i taught (kinda) my cousin how to sew a simple skirt, which turned out pretty nice, despite a few odd stitches here and there. later in the night we went to the easter vigil at church, and i had no idea that it was 3 HOURS LONG. good lord. i thought it would just be a regular mass :/

today we had a LOT of food for our little easter brunch, and my bro and his gf and my uncle and later my cousin joined us. i tried to fry little doughnuts to add to the feast, but for some reason after they were cooked some of them turned out to be hollow...? the science of it all mystifies me... they were still good though, and they were all gone before the end of the day :)

i'm hoping the following weeks will be just as breezy as this past one was. is it really too much to ask for?

dentista

today i finally went back to school, which wasn't too bad. i only had one class, and it was pretty chill. even though i was incredibly tired today (i had 20 minutes before class so i basically knocked out in my car in the parking lot), i suppose it could've been worse. also, my legs are WAY more sore than they were yesterday because of the hiking. walking across campus to get to the horticulture gardens was quite painful :/

after school i went to the dentist for a checkup, but i went to a different dentist than i usually do. one question: are dentists allowed to have acrylic nails?! i mean, i know they wear latex gloves, but i swear, i could feel her nails clawing at my gums :( my teeth feel weirdd...

yesterday my grandma moved out and is moving in with my aunt and cousin in norcal for six months, which i'm pretty sad about because now i don't have anyone to cook for me at home besides my mom, but she's always busy...

i think i'm gonna end this entry here because they're showing Chicago on amc right now and i'm too distracted hahah. so much for studying for midterms :D

today and yesterday

quickie update on what happened today and yesterday (friday and saturday):

yesterday elaine called me and woke me up around 11 (haha) to ask me if i wanted to go out with her, ezra, patrick, and dixon. i rushed outta bed and outta the house eventually when they picked me up and we went to puente hills mall but that was pretty quick. after that we were driving around the parking lot to find jonathan's (i think that's his name?) car, and that took a while haha. then we drove to el monte to pick up dixie's car, ezra left, then dixon took me and elaine to my home. he got a dvd player installed in his car, so on the way home we watched Superbad :)

once we got to my home i took elaine to the village where we met up with jackie and sarah. jackie left after 15 mins cuz she had a date (HAAAYYY). actually, she didn't call it a date, but it was her and a guy together and she said he was gonna teach her how to play pool and they were gonna eat dinner after. sounds like a date to me :)

ezra came over and he took elaine home. the rest of the day i hung out with sarah, i got some food at rubio's and we went around tjmaxx, where i found escada lotion for $8!!! EEEKK!! super happy about that! anyway, tangent! we had a lot of fun going around and criticizing the clothes we saw and playing around with the toys, and i totally didn't care if anyone saw us acting stupid, as usual :)

that was pretty much alla friday.

as for today, i went out with the cousins to crystal cove in irvine where we went hiking! IM TIRED! YAY! we hiked for like 2.5 hours up and down crazy hills. i was gasping for air and sneezing and shit cuz nature makes me sneezy. i'm fairly certain i have a bad tan now. my cousin took off her glasses and she had this MAD glasses tan. i was totally scared for my face so i took off my glasses for the rest of the hike. i didn't notice anything yet, but hopefully there's nothing. after we hiked we had a victory picnic, which was awesome cuz i felt all accomplished. and sore! yay! after that whole ordeal we went to my house and pigged out on pizza, watched nacho libre, and basically lounged around.

tomorrow it is off to the cousin's party to pig out some more! :)

sigh. i wish spring break wasn't over :(

rockin' the seam ripper

today is the first day of spring break, and i'd have to say it was pretty productive :)i got a little cleaning done and i almost finished making two things: a mini purse and a totally HAWTSOME scarf, both of which i am dying to wear outside of the house. i just need to make a few more adjustments and once i'm done with that it'll be totally bitchin'. i'm also planning on making another purse over the break, but this one'll be a lot bigger. perhaps i shall post pics later ;)

once again, sewing proves to be totally theraputic.

other plans for spring break include visiting lauuuura with reinalyn on thursday and going to litto tokyo on friday with the cousins. i also need to find some way to hang out with elaine some time this week because i haven't seen her in FOREVER and she can't go out on thursday :( my aunt asked me if i wanted to work for her for a day doing a clerical job at her office, which i'm a little hesitant about but i neeedd moneyy... at least i won't be picking up doggie doo, right? anywho i'm not even sure that whole "work" thing is gonna happen. we'll see.

now i'm off to listen to little children scream and to eat dinner. sigh.

grateful

this morning was, without a doubt, depressing. after a while of feeling down in the dumps and pretty shitty about myself, i wasn't exactly sure how to deal with all of this. which brings me to my point. i'm so grateful to have such great friends. they always pull through for me when i need them. chatting until 1 am, texting right when i start to feel lonely, an impromptu meeting at cue, having a talk on the driveway in the dark. seriously, i don't care if this sounds super corny or cheesy, some of you guys may not know how much this means to me. and i really am grateful.

i love you guys. and that's all that needs to be said about that. peace!

spring, spring!

i need to start knitting again! the sweater i was trying to knit over the summer is still sitting on my desk, half-way done. this is yet another example of my poor procrastination kicking in. i also need to start sewing again. the half-way done purse i was sewing is also sitting on my desk... i need to start finding time to do all this stuff. luckily, spring break is coming up soon (next week! woot!) so hopefully i'll get a lot of shit done that week. i've been browsing the internet a lot to try and find some inspiration for things to sew or make, and now at least i can find some uses for some of the fabric i bought at LA fashion district. new ideas are a-poppin' and i can't go a-stoppin'!

the lavender bush and strawberry plant in my horticulture garden are blooming, and i can't help but be reminded of spring. fresh culinary ideas are coming to mind as well, mainly because i need to figure out what to do with all the produce from our garden once harvesting day comes around. it's so nice to drive to school nowadays because i can finally drive by the fresh, green hills, some with little hints of flowers, rather than having to drive by the winded, weathered-down, and burnt hills that come around during late summer and fall. i guess that's what they mean by spring renewal. with so much negativity clogging our atmosphere, it's no wonder something as simple as a blooming flower can be a symbol for hope.

in other news, ronald (my cousin) is officially moving out of our house. i actually haven't seen him for the past few weeks, but he still leaves his luggage and stuff here, and yesterday he finally came to pick them all up. my grandma is going to be staying here for a few weeks before she goes to norcal to stay with my aunt, which is pretty cool, as long as she doesn't bring my other aunt's dogs here. i just hope i don't gain any weight while my grandma stays over... home-cooked food is always daunting...

my grandma suggested that i stay over at one of my aunt's house over spring break to watch the dogs so i can get some money. ummm.... i NEED money, but i don't know if i'm willing to risk my break for it. after weeks and weeks of coming home from school dead-tired, i think i deserve at least one weeks' break. plus, a week with my aunt?! and her boyfriend?!! at HIS house?!!! let the awkwardness ensue...

today i took my first midterm of the semester. none of my other classes have midterms until after the break, but i'm totally glad i got it over with today. it means one less test, and it also means i don't have to come in wednesday morning, meaning more sleep!! yay!!! more sleep=happy elaine :)

i just noticed that the paragraphs in this entry are getting progressively smaller... random haha

have a nice day! :D

the deal

so here's a little update on my cellphone, because until today i was totally confused, and i'm sure you guys were too!!

i can keep my phone, but calls are for emergencies only... which, unfortunately means no hour-long phone calls. but! i do still have unlimited texts! so yeah! basically instead of just eliminating my cellphone privileges all together, we're sharing a family plan with my aunt, so we're paying less...? i'm not entirely sure how all of this works out, but at least i still have my phone, which i am entirely grateful for :D

today i drove 30 miles to get to school

only to find out once i got there that my class was canceled. seriously, this needs to stop. this is the second time this week that this has happened. sigh.

i just wanted to say that because i'm very disappointed. this week school has been very, very disappointing. :/

random, tired thoughts.

you don't have to read this if you don't want to. i honestly just felt like typing. so if you have the time, here are some random, tired thoughts.

I cant help but feel left behind sometimes. Left alone. Left behind. It’s almost the same thing, to me at least. I’m trying to think of a good example of this, and there are actually so many instances of this running through my head right now. Especially today. Right now. My head hurts. I think to myself, that I need more time to mull it over. But my brain literally hurts. Not enough sleep. Not enough water. I’m suddenly thirsty. Water suddenly tastes good. We cooked veal in class today. I’ve never had it before, but I’m so glad that this was the first time I’ve had it. Soo good. It tasted like it was good for the soul too. Why does everything “good” have to have a consequence?! Veal is “tortured baby cow,” as South Park so eloquently put it. Tuesdays are basically all-meat classes. The vegetarian girl wasn’t in class today. I no longer see the vegan guy as well. My stomach is growling. I need to stop starving myself during the day. That’s probably another reason my head hurts. I’m downing another bottle of water. There are at least three empty bottles of water on my car floor right now. I’m sitting at home and drinking another bottle, and I begin to wonder how much trash I’ve produced because I was too lazy to walk into the kitchen and get a glass of water. I stopped typing for a while because my rabbit was beckoning for attention. I suddenly miss laura. There’s still 50 minutes left until midnight, but this is the most tired I’ve felt in a really long time. It’s now 11:11 pm. I wish for a few things, but now I’m sad at the realization that what I wish for is something that I don’t think I can get on my own. As if the only way it can come true is through some sort of miracle. It’s so close I can feel it, but taking chances puts me at risk, and I’ve been feeling a lot like a coward lately. My rabbit sits at my feet and asks for attention again. He stomps his foot and stares at me. I spend about an hour every night watching him hop and run around the garage. I wish I was this consistent with my sleeping. I have to wake up at 6:30 tomorrow morning. I think it’s time for sleep.

sudden realization

today i realized it was only week 5 in the semester. WEEK 5 OUT OF 16. i am wayy to tired for my own good. sometimes i wish i had a job, but then i remember how tired i am just after class. every week: english, contemporary ethnic america, culinary principles 2 lecture, culinary principles 2 lab, english, horticultural science, contemporary ethnic america, principles of baking 1 lab, principles of baking 1 lecture, in that order.

this morning was a big ball of nothing. my first class is usually scheduled to begin at 9:35, so after dealing with all the morning traffic and whatnot, i came to class, and lo and behold, class is cancelled. my next class didn't start until 1pm. i wish i didn't have to wake up at 6:30 for that class :(

after a long, but calming, day at the gardens, i finally got home around 6:45. now that i think of it, nevermind that "big ball of nothing" comment. it turns out it's way more calming at school than it is at home. i spent the morning getting some homework done and flipping through fashion magazines in the library, and the afternoon was spent planting more veggies in the garden. sigh. i had to come home to screaming little boys running around the house, and now that i've mulled it over i think it's worth driving over there sometimes, just because it's so much more quiet. i think the only thing i don't really appreciate this semester is having to pay for gas so often and having to dig up worms for hort (ewww).

also, the lack of eating. you would think a culinary arts major would at least try to make time to eat, but today i didn't eat anything until i got home around 7, and most of my week is basically like that.

now to prepare for baking class tomorrow. this tends to be one of the classes that i enjoy coming to school for :)

principals of baking 1: my new favorite class

and here are my reasons why (in no particular order):

1. every day i have the lab i feel like a kid in a candy store :) by the end of the class it is always a free-for-all grab for whatever we baked, and i always end up taking home a big bag of something. today it was biscuits and scones! :p

2. i like baking, obviously...

3. keeping myself busy in classes like this help me forget about the stupid annoying things that happened earlier in the day, and believe me, there was plenty to forget about.

4. even though the lab always ends around rush hour, being able to take home stuff totally compensates for it. example: today it took me an hour and twenty minutes to get home, but it was totally awesome because i was basically just chillin' in the car, munchin' on some jalepeno cheddar biscuits, and blastin' the music (let's just forget that i wasted a lot of gas, because i do that every day anyway).

5. people just seem to be a lot easier to talk to here!! :)


baking aside, i'm also starting to like my horticulture class. yesterday was gardening day, and we all started our garden plots for the semester. even though right now i'm just praying that the plants will actually grow and then somehow manage to stay alive, it was still pretty cool getting down and diirrty yesterday in the cool weather just digging and whatnot. except for worms. eww. hopefully i'll do a lot better in the actual class though; the first quiz we had i got a 4 out of 10!!! WHYYY?!!! anyway, here's hopin' for a plentiful harvest by the end of the semester :)

i can't

i can't take subtle hints. it takes me forever just to figure these things out, and when i think i've got it right i still feel a little hesitant about it.

i rarely ever have dreams, but when i do there is always one thing that they have in common; i can never seem to find what i need. i can't find my shoes. i can't find the key. i can't find my room. i can't find the exit on the gate. something is always missing.

i can't find my way.

sometimes in these dreams i actually have the courage to ask for help. it's to no avail, of course. i still can't seem to get a hold of what's going on around me.

sometimes it's true in real life as well.

i hate having so much time available that i force myself to lay down and think about these things. i look at the ceiling, listen to the ticking clock on the wall, watch the light coming in from the window change positions as cars drive by. i can't seem to think about anything else. the laptop i use makes a whirring noise as i type, and the thoughts in my head seem to make a kind of whirring as well, and no amount of deep breathing will help it slow down.

i can't daydream like i used to.

it took me and hour and a half to drive home today

which actually wasn't the longest it's ever taken me to get home. i made sure to blast the music to keep me awake, a hard feat when i only had a few hours of sleep and hadn't eaten anything today. i found myself daydreaming a lot while i was driving, and for a second when i snapped out of it i thought i missed my exit. i looked around and none of my surroundings seemed familiar, but then i realized i didn't recognize any of it because usually i'd be speeding by all those trees and hills. sigh. another long day.

sometimes it feels like i play a different person every time i go to a new class. today i was the chill, sleepy elaine, just waiting till i could get home. yesterday during the lab i was the busy bee elaine, just trying to finish in time. so many other personalities to keep track of. today someone described me as "old soul." what the hell was that supposed to mean? not to say that it was a bad thing; now that i think about it it sounds pretty cool. but what is it? and which personality is my real one? i thought back to what i was like before all this. all last semester i was the shy quiet elaine; if i didn't have a designated seat i stayed in the corner, i had no friends, but i breezed through everything, albeit alone. this semester i have to work a great deal harder: two kitchen labs, classes that actually require me to think, and actually having to study for quizzes. what i am glad about is that i have some kind of friends this semester, even if a lot of them are just acquaintences, and that i have classes with people who are around my age rather than decades older. then i thought back to what i was like before college; i would joke around with my friends and could laugh as loud as i wanted, knowing i definitely would not be the loudest. i was comfortable with the friends i held on to for years and years. why do different surroundings always bring such an enormous turnaround in my personality? i can feel it rush through my head, and i need a lot more time to think about this.

i can't wait till friday :)

rantalicious: a couple of days ago i scratched my face and now i have a hugeass scar/scab right on top of my nose!!! hopefully it heals soon and goes away... it's kinda painful and it's not really something that i can just cover up with makeup :(

p.s. sorry about the whole identity crisis thing, but it was all i could think of today. hopefully it'll satiate your appetite for a look inside my head...

for a second i wanted to be a vegetarian.

actually, more like 45 minutes, or an hour, or however long the chef's demonstration took last night. he tore away at the huge section of cow carcass laying on the counter as he so gently described how male cows are castrated so that they can grow even bigger than nature would allow them. this section alone weighed about 90 pounds he said, and i thought about my friends that were close to the same weight. no wonder why i didn't see the vegan guy anywhere around that day. an entire semester on the cutting, fabricating, and manipulation of animals, and who could blame him for being absent?
as the chef described different parts of the cow, all i could think of is how i would achieve vegetarianism (is that a word?). at first people would think i was crazy, but i would convince them that i wasn't with the horrifying facts about meat. i can't even describe how i felt as he literally sawed through bones that were at least 2 inches in diameter. i never understood what a bone duster was for until then. i tried to tell myself this was just like anatomy class in high school, but i realized that even being in front of those cadavers did not make me as uneasy as this hunk of cow did. "this is where the cows head would be if he had one... MOOOO!!!" i held a sad expression on my face as the chef pretended there were some imaginary cow head attached to the carcass.

some time during the semester we will be working with veal. i have never eaten veal before, not because of choice, but just because the opportunity never presented itself to me. during the lecture the chef only said two or three sentences about veal, but just the idea of it and i started to get sad. a baby cow kept in captivity just for the sake of a tender steak?

what the hell was wrong with me? this is my job, or at least, it will be. i began to think about the dilemma i had before i decided to go into this industry. did i really want a job based entirely on gluttony? one of the seven deadly sins? when we began to cook though, it all came together. nothing seemed as bad as it did before, and even though this piece of meat was once a living being, it seems as if it does more as food than it would just grazing in the grass lazily. i continued to make my beef stew, enough to serve 5 or 6 people. now that we were rid of the carcass i could easily convince myself of the greatness that is meat.

no, i would not be vegetarian... meat tastes too good. for now, though, i'll probably still stay away from veal...

i need a butcher's scimitar.

class FINALLY started again last week. yep, that's right. i need to go out and get more materials, more books, more knives, more everything, and yet i'm having a hard time just leaving the house right now.

i've decided to start up this blog again, mainly because of grac3anat0my (hehehe) but also because i hate that i keep starting these things just to abandon them a few months later. i need to have more commitment, dammit!! okay okay. so there won't be as many entries about food i've made at home, mainly because i'll be actually going to school 5 days a week this semester (i need the credits!), but for sure there will be a lot of entries on my life. like this one!

ranting time!!!

children. right now there are 3 boys living with us, two of them age 8 and one of them age 12. as i'm typing this, they are screaming and playing around in the bathtub. um, excuse me? yeah. i'm not cleaning that up. they'll only stop fooling around in the tub when their parents come along. that's another thing: they are entirely too dependent on their parents. yes, i understand that they are still children, but every time their parents leave them here, all of a sudden they start running around and screaming because they say they're scared of ghosts. that's right. ghosts. joshua, if there were ghosts here, i'm sure they would have just the same chance of haunting you if you were running around as they would if you were just sitting quietly. is it too much to ask for? now, i can understand how it can be a world of difference if the children were my own, but that's just not the case, and it's beside the point. my point is, i am not cleaning that bathtub.